Spring Semester Review

Last week I turned in my final for Church History II: Reformation to Modernity. If you have insomnia or are a nerd and enjoy these things, you are welcome to read my final paper. Click the link here to go to it.

My return to school as a student again was quite an adjustment for everyone in my family. Claire didn't particularly like me leaving and developed some separation anxiety. Paul got sick of eating pizza every Thursday night and has declared he doesn't like it at all. Adam had to arrange his work schedule to be home at 6:00 p.m. every Thursday so I could make it to class on time.

Most days when I was at Brite Divinity School in my class, I felt like I was at the precipice of an entirely new world. Being around people that know words I've never heard and can write about concepts I've never even thought is invigorating to my spirit. It also makes the learning curve steep for me.

I've always enjoyed learning history, but I was fascinated with incorporating theology and learning the processes and events that brought the church where it is today. The inflence of secular history on church history and vice versa was a world unexplored. I learned about Martin Luther and how some of his thoughts became part of German culture and hundreds of years later even influenced Hitler and the common person's response to him.

I learned about the abolitionist movement and how it was linked to women's suffrage and even later, women's ordination in the church. This was a big eye-opener to me because learning about the 1800s and women's prescribed "role in society" made me question and ponder my own prescribed role. What parts of my life did I chose? What parts did society chose for me? This added relevance to the issues of women's rights. The struggles of the past became real in the present.

I learned my limits and how to ask for help. I'm still not a master at this, but I am definitely more self-aware and am become more proactive about asking for help when needed. On the week of my mid-term I had job interviews, my mid-term, a full work week and a husband who was stuck at work for about 60 hours. It was difficult but when I asked for help, I immediately received it.

I learned how important Google is to a student and how many thousands of books are available online. If you're writing a paper at 4:30 a.m., the libraries are closed, but you can do a Google books search and usually find what you're looking for. Instead of the index, online books provide a keyword search feature which saved me time. I was able to access any source I desired at any time I desired, for no cost.

As part of my school, I filled out a field education form for kicks, actually listing what I want to do for a living when I'm out of seminary. I wrote "I want to be a Bible study curriculum writer." Five months later I have completed my first course toward my Master of Divinity degree and I have a new job!

I'm so glad I took the plunge and stepped forth in faith to acheive some dreams. I can't wait to see where the next year takes me!

--In the fall I'll be taking Methodist Polity and Spiritual Life and Leadership. I'll be taking two courses, with two jobs, two kids, a husband, and two dogs. I can't wait to see what the world looks like in the midst of that. I know I'll be asking for help.

Moving Away From Home

When Adam and I were newlyweds, we moved to an apartment off of Hulen Street in Fort Worth. Both of us grew up in the mid-cities and went to college in Arlington, so Fort Worth was mostly unmapped territory.  We had to select what grocery store to patronize regularly. We had to find the post office.  We had to learn the routes to and from home. We also had to find a church home.

Adam grew up in the Church of Christ, I grew up Southern Baptist and neither one of us identified with those traditions any longer. So when Adam came home from work and said there was a pretty building on Camp Bowie that was a Methodist church, we were willing to give it a try.

The pretty building we've been at each Sunday since 2002.

It only took one Sunday at Arlington Heights United Methodist Church for us to feel at home. The people were kind and had an authenticity that was refreshing.  There wasn't a Sunday person/weekday person trade off. You could talk to a person on Friday night and the same person would be there on Sunday morning; you could even continue your conversation.

It was January of 2002.

Twelve years later, we're still there.  I've been on staff for four years working as the Communications Coordinator. I love my job for many reasons. I love serving others and I love utilizing both my journalism skills learned in college and my faith. 

In January I enrolled in seminary at Brite Divinity School.  I'm taking one class and I love it. Discovering the culture of the seminary and of faith learning has been another time of excitement and recognition of home and belonging.

I would love to write Bible studies one day and create small group discussion guides that cover scripture and great spiritual writing. I have thought and prayed about this over time and one day I believe I will do it.  I'm at the very beginning of my seminary career, though, and I assumed that day would be far in the future; probably after graduation when I was serving a Methodist church as a deacon on staff.

The view from my desk. I love my tiny art gallery!

This idea ended up being similar to my "I'll enroll in seminary when the kids are grown" idea. (Notice I'm in seminary now and the kids are still in elementary school.) As a routine, I submitted my resume to the field education office with notes on dreams and goals of mine.  Within a week two churches started looking at it.  Within a month I was going on interviews. I was found by a church who wants to create their own Bible study curriculum and eventually publish a book.  After many meetings and discussions with church leaders and in my home, I decided to take the job.

Beginning May 11 I will be on staff at Central Christian Church in Weatherford. I'm ecstatic about the new horizon, about taking my creativity and skills to the next level, about moving forward to achieve a dream.  Writing Bible studies won't be the only part of my job, but it's the part I didn't even know I could get so early in seminary.

I feel like a teenager moving away from home to go to college. Our church is part of the culture of our family. I can lead you to any part of the building with my eyes closed. Both of our children were baptized there.  Once a month Adam ushers in the early service. We both help teach children's Sunday school classes as substitutes.  I know nearly every single person in the congregation.  We all consider friends from church part of our family.  The kids are so at home they are unafraid to approach adults and begin conversations with them. We are going to miss it.

The good news is that like a college student, we'll get to come back home.  The entire family will return to AHUMC once a month. That will make our time even sweeter because we won't take it for granted.

We are bravely stepping forward in faith and I can't wait to see what's next on the horizon.

Gratitude and Raising the White Flag of Surrender

Want to know about the Protestant vs. Catholic Reformation in Europe? Not able to sleep? Haven't read the words "I would rather see a cow defecate" in a religious setting in a while?
I can fix all your problems with one swoop here!  Here's the link to my midterm, which includes a quote from a Protestant saying he would rather see a cow defecate than sit through another mass. I hoping to get at least a laugh for that inclusion.
I haven't been writing here because I've been attempting to tackle that beast.  Writing for seminary is different than other writing I've had to do, and I'm grateful for that. I'm always trying to improve my writing skills and so far, Brite Divinity School has asked me to stretch and stretch and I think I'm starting to grow.
I wanted to express my gratitude for everyone who helped me get through those crazy two weeks where I was reading and writing at every spare second I had. Adam has had an extremely tough work schedule for the last month so he's spent every spare second at the office. There were several days that I was trying to write my paper, work my two jobs, take care of my two kids, and I just wasn't doing anything very well.  I am humbled and thankful for everyone that helped me over the hump.  For those of you that sent me encouraging notes or hugged me and helped me regain my balance, I am so grateful. To my special friend that brought me dinner, thank you. To my friends who took the kids to the movies and dinner so I could write, thank you. To my kids who put up with a stretched-too-thin mother for two weeks, thanks for your patience. To my husband, thank you for understanding.
Besides all the new facts that are now crammed into my brain is a realization that I absolutely cannot pursue a Master of Divinity degree without support. When the time to write my final comes around, I will remember that and plan ahead.  I will recognize that trying to fit all that homework into the space between the time the children sleep and I am awake just isn't possible.  I will schedule uninterrupted work time by planning entertainment for the kids outside of the house with people that love them.  I will ask for help before I have to raise the white flag and admit defeat.
In some ways, I had an easier time writing this paper than the last one, so I am also hopeful that next semester I will be even more fluent in the ways to write for seminary.
Thank you to all my loved ones for your prayers and support.

Writing a Book

One of my lifelong dreams has been to become an author. I've written in various forms and forums my entire life. So I am ecstatic to announce that I have a published work!

(Click on the book cover to go to my amazon.com listing.)

You can click the link above, or search for my name on amazon.com. If you have a Kindle, the book will be delivered instantly once you order it.  If you have an Apple device, you need to first download the free Kindle App and then go online and buy it.

The book is $1.99 and every cent raised goes directly to fund my seminary education. So by purchasing my book, you are helping me achieve two dreams at one time!

I know this isn't going to win the National Book Award, but everyone starts somewhere, and this is my starting place.

Initially I thought I'd use this as an exercise in writing as well as graphic design, but that didn't work out. I spent hours laying out my book in InDesign and learning how to use that program. I thought I had it press ready, but then due to amazon.com specifications, I ended up having to redo the whole thing in Microsoft Word. So for any of you that think you might want to create an epub, just create it in MS Word and save yourself a lot of time.

Thank you for helping me achieve my dreams!

Honoring My Commitment to Creation

Last summer I read the book, Where'd You Go, Bernadette?
For those of you that haven't read it, it's the story of a mother that goes missing and the daughter that pieces together emails to find her. I wasn't drawn into the plot like I assumed I would be. I was drawn into the theme of creation.

In the book, Bernadette loses her sense of self when she stops creating. Before she became a mother, she was a famous architect. Then she has a daughter, the family moves, and she begins worrying about things like her status among the other mothers at her daughter's private school. She has a need to create art and when she isn't creating, she's losing her sense of who she is.

Last week when Anne Lamott was in Fort Worth, one audience member asked her about art. She said she was an artist but has become busy focusing on one activity or another and hasn't had time for her art. Her question was along the lines of, "Is this okay? What should I do?"

Anne replied with her classic responses of working at the same time every day, allowing yourself to make crap sometimes, and just doing it. She told the woman not to let her life pass by and to find time for art. All of that was nearly scripted. I'd heard it all before from multiple sources.  But then she said something profound that is still rolling around in my head.

She said, "You need to honor your commitment to creation."

On the surface, she simply meant that if you identify yourself as an artist or a writer that you need to make space in your life for your art. If that is what you are, you need to make sure that is what you do. Not necessarily as a full-time job, but as an integral component to your life.  Just like in the book Bernadette eventually realizes that she is not her best self when she doesn't create.  This is a good message and one that can resonate with all of us.

But then I revisited it.  What if I thought of those words in a different way?

"You need to honor your commitment to Creation."

Creation, as in the world, as in being part of the world, as in recognizing your role as a cog on the great machine of life. Since I call myself a writer, I have made a commitment to Creation, the world, and all the people in it, that I will create writing.

When I look at the phrase that way, my commitment takes on another level of meaning. Somehow this little blog is important to Creation. Somehow my creating helps the world be a better place in a small, sometimes microscopic way. But how awesome is that? When I create, it's honoring my commitment to be a writer, but it's also honoring my commitment to give back to the human race. No matter how small, when we all give back with our gifts, together we make it beautiful.

My Grandmother's Quilt and Anne Lamott

I found this quilt at my grandmother's house when my grandfather moved to an apartment.  It's hand made and hand-stitched and sturdy and beautiful.  This summer I let Claire keep it on her bed as a "summertime" comforter and the quilt survived jumping on the bed and forts and two children giggling.  Now that fall is here, I got Claire's regular blankets out of the closet and reclaimed this beauty.

It's got some gaps in it right now where stitches came undone, but I've been repairing it stitch by stitch while watching television or praying.  I know my grandmother would be delighted that my kids are loving and using this blanket, even though that meant needed repairs.

This week my favorite author Anne Lamott will be in Fort Worth again.  This is her second appearance here this year.  Her book tours often haven't made it to our area, so for her to come back to my hometown is an exciting honor.  She's currently promoting her new book, Stitches, which is supposed to be a companion to Help, Thanks, Wow.

What I love about Anne Lamott is her transparent honesty and strong faith.  She knows she's imperfect and needs regular divine intervention and she shares that.  So many people try to look good or sound right.  Honesty in imperfection is like a breath of fresh air.  I strive for it as well, but I'm still practicing being transparent about my shortcomings and all the grace I receive on a daily basis.

While I've been sitting on the couch stitching the holes together in this beautiful quilt, I've been thinking of the rich metaphors that action brings.  

I have to sit down to repair the quilt, just like sometimes I have to sit down to be repaired.  When I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I miss hands trying to help me or hug me.  I have to sit down to be repaired.

The string the I'm using to patch the pieces together is stronger than the original thread.  Similarly, when I fall apart, I come out of the repair stronger than before.  When I get overwhelmed with work, motherhood, or life in general, I have to be pulled back together.  Sometimes a friend helps me, sometimes a quiet prayer helps me, sometimes a walk by myself helps me.  Whatever it is that pulls me back together, though, patches me up stronger than I was before.

Each patch of this quilt has a story with it, just like each part of my life is a story.  Everyone's life is full of color, alternating between bright and dark, dull and glittery, busy patterns and calmness.  If you look too closely at one part you miss the beauty of the entire quilt of life.  When I miss the big picture, I miss beauty and how every part of life works together to weave a beautiful story.

I can't wait to meet Anne Lamott on Thursday and share with her what her story means to me and my grandma's quilt.  I can't wait to see the addition of new patches on my life quilt and how they make the blanket of life even more beautiful.

How I got here and where I'm headed

Growing up, my sister and I often chose occupations to role play.  I distinctly remember being a teacher and a fashion designer for two.  When I grew up I was going to be a comedienne.  No, I was going to be a
fashion designer because I was really into fashion.  My sister and I had a few scraps of fabric that we re-purposed over and over as a dress, a skirt, a veil, a hair tie, and on and on.  Plus, I had the super-awesome fashion designer play kit where you create a fashion with plastic plates and then place a piece of paper on top and rub the design onto the page with a crayon.
Early on I discovered writing and that I had a knack for it. Some stories I wrote in elementary school won a few campus awards.  So in middle school I was an honors student, and honors English was my favorite.  My teacher, Mrs. Bell, encouraged us to write, and write, and write. I had already been toting around a diary with a half-broken lock, but now I started writing in a journal.  Mrs. Bell also started a school newspaper, and I was a reporter.

www.sxu.hu

In high school, I took journalism class for all four years. My teacher Miss Hale taught me everything from how to write a lead to how to lay out a newsletter. We were just converting from taping down a layout to designing it on the computer. I loved journalism so much I remember staying up at school voluntarily until 11 p.m.  The night custodian, Lewis, was a special friend of mine.
In college, I continued on the journalism track. I was a reporter and editor for the Tarrant County Junior College paper.  With my associate's degree in hand, my best friend Adam and I transferred to the University of Texas at Arlington and I continued my journalism major and found my home in the student publications office.  Adam majored in engineering and we stayed best friends; enjoying the world through our vastly different viewpoints and weird senses of humor.  Then our relationship shifted and the week after we graduated college, we got married.
Just as we were approaching college graduation, the newspaper industry halted. Even though I  had contacts who would gladly hire me at several of the local papers, no one could. I was working part time at Half Price Books then, and I loved it. So I stayed there for a while until Adam encouraged me to do something with that degree I had earned. I ended up going back to school for an emergency teacher certification.
Then I taught first grade for six years.  When I was pregnant with Paul, I realized that I didn't want to be a teacher while my children grew up, and Adam and I decided I could be a stay-at-home mom.
Two years into being a stay-at-home mom, I started looking at part-time jobs to help make ends meet.  Nothing was fitting; I couldn't get an interview.  I also couldn't figure out what I would do with the children when I worked.  Adam came home from a church meeting one night and said that the church had to eliminate the communications position and they didn't have anyone to do a church newsletter anymore.  Immediately I knew that was the job for me.  A deal was brokered where I would be paid the exact amount I was seeking to pay bills and my children could attend the church preschool for free.
When Claire went into first grade, Paul started attending preschool full-time and I started working as a literacy tutor on my days off.  I love tutoring because it's pure teaching.  I have a several small groups who listen intently to what I say and work hard.  If anyone starts slacking or not paying attention, I send them back to their homeroom.  Tutoring two days a week let me know, though, that I don't want to be a full-time teacher any more.
Now Paul is in kindergarten and I've been restless.  I'm still working two jobs, which suits me well. I spend alternating Fridays with my grandfather at his retirement home.  Adam and I are finished birthing babies, so I'm looking forward to the next phase of my life.
I seriously considered getting a masters degree in library science and becoming a librarian. I did research and contacted various schools and districts about it.  It just didn't feel right, though, and the more I thought and prayed about it, the less appealing it seemed.
What I love, what makes me feel like a better person, what fills me up, what gives me something to think about for days on end, is talking to people about the intersection between faith and real life. I joyfully recognize God's presence and the power of love in common situations. I love listening to people tell me about their day; and what they struggle with.  I love reading the Bible and making sense of it.  I love recognizing all the ways that God is involved in my life and how people can complete everyday tasks with a sense of doing something holy.  I love seeking people out to encourage them and building relationships.  I love the power of story and the parallels between modern life and the struggles Bible people had.
So where do I go from here?
I've been doing a lot of research, praying, and consulting people in different jobs.  I've been weighing my options. I've discovered a couple of jobs that I didn't even know existed.  After a hard struggle, I decided that I want to go to seminary.  Last week I toured Brite Divinity School on the TCU Campus and I felt like I was at home.  Now I'm starting to work on my application to enter into a program to earn a Masters of Divinity degree.  I'm not sure what I'll do with that yet; the world may look different when I graduate.  I could be a communications specialist in the United Methodist Church.  I could be a pastor.  I could be a writer.  My job could be to write about the intersection of faith and the real world.
Of course I'm a long way from being accepted into the program; the application is no small thing, but at least I know what direction I'm headed. I smile when I think back on all the roads I've traveled to get to where I am and how they all have helped develop me into the person I am today.  I gratefully step forward into this new phase of my life filled with hope and excitement.

Seeing the world through writer's eyes

Since I was a young girl, I have enjoyed writing.  I have boxes of journals dating all the way back to second grade when I had my first crush and though I can't remember his name, I can remember the fun and excitement of writing in my pink journal with the gold heart clasp that locked.
When  I look back on my life and my journals, I can see how much I've grown.  I can relive some uncomfortable moments and happy times.  One day I will offer them to my children as an emotional history of their mother.
I have a journal on me at all times.  In my purse, in my car door, in my kitchen, in the living room, in the bedroom.  The thought is that by practicing and writing down what I feel and what I observe, I can get better at it and one day write a book.
One day I will write a book.  It has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, but only recently did I realize that I won't have a "road to Damascus" experience. I had misplaced hope that I will be travelling down the road and see a bright light and hear angels sing while I obtain enlightenment.  Apparently writers don't wake up one morning with a book already written in their head.  They don't sit down at the computer and pour out perfection.
In her book Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott describes seeing the world through "writer's eyes."  Basically that means paying close attention to the world around you and listening and watching for story.
"There is real skill in hearing all those words that real people--and your characters--say and to recording what you have heard--and the latter is or should be more interesting and concise and even more true than what was actually said."
So I'm practicing paying attention.  I'm listening, really listening, to people around me and observing.  I'm searching for stories.  I love a good story and I'm learning to write one.