Gratitude and Raising the White Flag of Surrender

Want to know about the Protestant vs. Catholic Reformation in Europe? Not able to sleep? Haven't read the words "I would rather see a cow defecate" in a religious setting in a while?
I can fix all your problems with one swoop here!  Here's the link to my midterm, which includes a quote from a Protestant saying he would rather see a cow defecate than sit through another mass. I hoping to get at least a laugh for that inclusion.
I haven't been writing here because I've been attempting to tackle that beast.  Writing for seminary is different than other writing I've had to do, and I'm grateful for that. I'm always trying to improve my writing skills and so far, Brite Divinity School has asked me to stretch and stretch and I think I'm starting to grow.
I wanted to express my gratitude for everyone who helped me get through those crazy two weeks where I was reading and writing at every spare second I had. Adam has had an extremely tough work schedule for the last month so he's spent every spare second at the office. There were several days that I was trying to write my paper, work my two jobs, take care of my two kids, and I just wasn't doing anything very well.  I am humbled and thankful for everyone that helped me over the hump.  For those of you that sent me encouraging notes or hugged me and helped me regain my balance, I am so grateful. To my special friend that brought me dinner, thank you. To my friends who took the kids to the movies and dinner so I could write, thank you. To my kids who put up with a stretched-too-thin mother for two weeks, thanks for your patience. To my husband, thank you for understanding.
Besides all the new facts that are now crammed into my brain is a realization that I absolutely cannot pursue a Master of Divinity degree without support. When the time to write my final comes around, I will remember that and plan ahead.  I will recognize that trying to fit all that homework into the space between the time the children sleep and I am awake just isn't possible.  I will schedule uninterrupted work time by planning entertainment for the kids outside of the house with people that love them.  I will ask for help before I have to raise the white flag and admit defeat.
In some ways, I had an easier time writing this paper than the last one, so I am also hopeful that next semester I will be even more fluent in the ways to write for seminary.
Thank you to all my loved ones for your prayers and support.

Gravel, Gravity, and Grace

I'm always creating metaphors in my head and the one I've been processing lately is about gravel, gravity, and grace.

(dreamstime.com for free stock photo)

Everyone has stressors, or little pieces of life that irritate them. They're small things, almost like a piece of gravel under your foot. Usually I just step over these little irritants. Walking on gravel isn't exactly comfortable but when my stress levels are low, so is my gravel pile.

For the past month, though, for many reasons, my gravel pile has been growing. Pieces of gravel that would normally be stepped on or stepped over have been stacking up in a pile.  When I have a pile of irritants added up, then little pebbles hurt like big boulders. Small inconsiderations start looking like major insults and my spirit is wounded. Crises of my children like lost library books begin to take on adult proportions. My to do list starts to look like a military campaign.  When my rock pile is growing, I begin to lose perspective and sight of who and what is on the other side of my pile of issues. I forget that everyone has their own gravel pile and while I can't see around mine, it doesn't mean that my problems are bigger or my issues more pressing than those around me.  I get wrapped up in looking at my gravel pile and announcing it to anyone that crosses my path.  "Can you believe what I have to put up with? Have you seen this pile of irritants in my life? It's not fair!"

But then the last piece of gravel is placed on the pile and things begin toppling. All of the sudden I am falling off my self-righteous pile of gravel.  I am no longer looking down on others whom I perceive to  have fewer amount of struggles.  I am confused, in despair and free-falling. 

This week the piece of gravel that toppled my pile was our slab leak.  We had a water leak and we didn't know where it was. Claire's room was quickly turning into a swamp, our front yard was a puddle, and water was seeping out of the front of the house.  We didn't know who to call. Did this mean we would immediately have to repair our foundation problems? How would we pay for this? Who could we trust to charge us a fair price? When would we have time to devote to dealing with this?

Yesterday morning I called in to my school and told them I had to wait for a plumber.  After I took the kids to school, I ended up being stuck at home by myself and it was the best thing that could have happened to me.  Several times I stopped and intentionally listened to my breathing.  I prayed.  I journaled.  I caught up on urgent work.  I planned ahead.  I didn't talk to anyone but Adam and the plumber. 

And all my gravel fell to the ground and now I can see. I can see other people and their gravel piles. I can see that my irritants are gravel pebbles, not boulders. I can step over my own pebbles to go to someone else's rock pile and commiserate with them. 

For me, that is the story of God's grace. Just when we cannot take another rock on our pile, just when our pile is toppling and we are free-falling into a pit of despair and self-adsorption, we land on our feet and we can see clearly.  We can reach out to another and give them a hug.  We can go forward and leave those little gravel irritants behind.  We can move on.