Thankful Tuesday

Tonight I attempted to read part of our Harry Potter book to the kids, but they were more interested in acting crazy and hyper. I sent them to bed early and now, at 7:35 p.m., they are both snoring soundly.

So, here's my list today:

1. Children who are asleep early so I can finish homework and write.

2. Homework. I love learning new concepts, and so far, my homework this semester has been fascinating.  An excerpt from Thomas Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation had me nodding my head and shouting "Exactly!" to an empty room.

3. Podcasts
I have really enjoyed working in Weatherford because it gives me a reason to listen to a variety of podcasts.  I've enjoyed listening to interviews on pursuing your dreams, motherhood, and self-care by Lisa Grace Byrne.  I keep up with some friends through their sermon podcasts.  Today I listened to one from Church Marketing Sucks.  Do you have any favorite podcasts? I'd love to add them to my list.  (Want to hear one from my church? Listen here.)

4. My support team
I simply cannot work, go to grad school, and be an effective mother by myself.  I am so grateful for my support team.  My husband Adam is number 1, followed by a host of others who babysit, check on me, pray for me, help with my tuition, or even read my emails that sometimes border the length of a Tolstoy novel.  Thank you for being part of that team.

5.  Patience
Since I am in a brave new world of graduate school and new job responsibilities, I've been a little bit confused at times.  I am so grateful for patient professors as well as compassionate coworkers and friends who kindly wait while I connect the dots.

6.  Labor Day weekend in the past
Labor Day weekend was a blast. We had so much fun with skating on Friday night, family over all day on Saturday, a date night on Sunday, and a family day at the movies on Monday. We had a lot of fun, but I'm also glad it's behind us now and we have a little more wiggle room in the calendar.

7.  Neighborhood piano lessons
Our across the street neighbors are Mr. and Mrs. Abbott.  When Claire was small, she couldn't pronounce their full name, so she called them Mr. and Mrs. Rabbit.  Mrs. Rabbit is a talented pianist, and she has agreed to start teaching Claire some piano lessons. Claire starts Thursday and we are very excited!  (I'm also excited we won't have to drive anywhere. I can stay home with Paul and send her across the street!)

8. Good teachers
Claire is so excited about third grade and her first binder, which is full of new responsibilities. She is so proud of being in charge of her own assignments and keeping everything organized. Her new teachers are already sainted in her book.  I am just as big of a fan of Paul's teacher, who expertly dealt with a brief misbehavior last week. She corrected him in a way that didn't shame him, but at the same time, ensured he wouldn't do it again.

9. An empty laundry couch
At our home, we have a designated couch where I place all the clean laundry. Really, that's where I dump the laundry baskets after the clothes come out of the dryer. On a busy week, we might have to fish clean clothes out of the mound. This week we won't have to because Adam and I folded and hung every single piece of laundry last night.  We've actually been able to sit on that couch today.

10. Time to breathe
Last Friday I was home alone, so I was able to complete all my work, all my housework, cut all my coupons, and go grocery shopping for two weeks' worth of food. By the time I picked up the kids, I felt like I was wearing a super hero cape.

And now....off to finish my homework!

How I got here and where I'm headed

Growing up, my sister and I often chose occupations to role play.  I distinctly remember being a teacher and a fashion designer for two.  When I grew up I was going to be a comedienne.  No, I was going to be a
fashion designer because I was really into fashion.  My sister and I had a few scraps of fabric that we re-purposed over and over as a dress, a skirt, a veil, a hair tie, and on and on.  Plus, I had the super-awesome fashion designer play kit where you create a fashion with plastic plates and then place a piece of paper on top and rub the design onto the page with a crayon.
Early on I discovered writing and that I had a knack for it. Some stories I wrote in elementary school won a few campus awards.  So in middle school I was an honors student, and honors English was my favorite.  My teacher, Mrs. Bell, encouraged us to write, and write, and write. I had already been toting around a diary with a half-broken lock, but now I started writing in a journal.  Mrs. Bell also started a school newspaper, and I was a reporter.

www.sxu.hu

In high school, I took journalism class for all four years. My teacher Miss Hale taught me everything from how to write a lead to how to lay out a newsletter. We were just converting from taping down a layout to designing it on the computer. I loved journalism so much I remember staying up at school voluntarily until 11 p.m.  The night custodian, Lewis, was a special friend of mine.
In college, I continued on the journalism track. I was a reporter and editor for the Tarrant County Junior College paper.  With my associate's degree in hand, my best friend Adam and I transferred to the University of Texas at Arlington and I continued my journalism major and found my home in the student publications office.  Adam majored in engineering and we stayed best friends; enjoying the world through our vastly different viewpoints and weird senses of humor.  Then our relationship shifted and the week after we graduated college, we got married.
Just as we were approaching college graduation, the newspaper industry halted. Even though I  had contacts who would gladly hire me at several of the local papers, no one could. I was working part time at Half Price Books then, and I loved it. So I stayed there for a while until Adam encouraged me to do something with that degree I had earned. I ended up going back to school for an emergency teacher certification.
Then I taught first grade for six years.  When I was pregnant with Paul, I realized that I didn't want to be a teacher while my children grew up, and Adam and I decided I could be a stay-at-home mom.
Two years into being a stay-at-home mom, I started looking at part-time jobs to help make ends meet.  Nothing was fitting; I couldn't get an interview.  I also couldn't figure out what I would do with the children when I worked.  Adam came home from a church meeting one night and said that the church had to eliminate the communications position and they didn't have anyone to do a church newsletter anymore.  Immediately I knew that was the job for me.  A deal was brokered where I would be paid the exact amount I was seeking to pay bills and my children could attend the church preschool for free.
When Claire went into first grade, Paul started attending preschool full-time and I started working as a literacy tutor on my days off.  I love tutoring because it's pure teaching.  I have a several small groups who listen intently to what I say and work hard.  If anyone starts slacking or not paying attention, I send them back to their homeroom.  Tutoring two days a week let me know, though, that I don't want to be a full-time teacher any more.
Now Paul is in kindergarten and I've been restless.  I'm still working two jobs, which suits me well. I spend alternating Fridays with my grandfather at his retirement home.  Adam and I are finished birthing babies, so I'm looking forward to the next phase of my life.
I seriously considered getting a masters degree in library science and becoming a librarian. I did research and contacted various schools and districts about it.  It just didn't feel right, though, and the more I thought and prayed about it, the less appealing it seemed.
What I love, what makes me feel like a better person, what fills me up, what gives me something to think about for days on end, is talking to people about the intersection between faith and real life. I joyfully recognize God's presence and the power of love in common situations. I love listening to people tell me about their day; and what they struggle with.  I love reading the Bible and making sense of it.  I love recognizing all the ways that God is involved in my life and how people can complete everyday tasks with a sense of doing something holy.  I love seeking people out to encourage them and building relationships.  I love the power of story and the parallels between modern life and the struggles Bible people had.
So where do I go from here?
I've been doing a lot of research, praying, and consulting people in different jobs.  I've been weighing my options. I've discovered a couple of jobs that I didn't even know existed.  After a hard struggle, I decided that I want to go to seminary.  Last week I toured Brite Divinity School on the TCU Campus and I felt like I was at home.  Now I'm starting to work on my application to enter into a program to earn a Masters of Divinity degree.  I'm not sure what I'll do with that yet; the world may look different when I graduate.  I could be a communications specialist in the United Methodist Church.  I could be a pastor.  I could be a writer.  My job could be to write about the intersection of faith and the real world.
Of course I'm a long way from being accepted into the program; the application is no small thing, but at least I know what direction I'm headed. I smile when I think back on all the roads I've traveled to get to where I am and how they all have helped develop me into the person I am today.  I gratefully step forward into this new phase of my life filled with hope and excitement.

Mapping Unchartered Territory

With school back in swing, I have a small sense of being adrift in unfamiliar waters. Getting up early and getting the kids to school is something I know how to do and am good at.  But that time between dropping them off and picking them up is unchartered territory for me.

Of course I still have two jobs; split between working at church and tutoring, and once I show up for one I know what to do.  It's the little details that have me confused.

How do I get to work?

For the past several years my school routine has been drop off at school followed by the trek down Hulen to get to church to take Paul to preschool.  Monday I didn't need to go to church but found myself driving there anyway.  I can take a more direct route to school but was mixed up on how to get there.

When I was a teacher, I learned that voicing your thoughts ( called thinking aloud) was a strategy that helped children develop their own thought processes.  I am so used to "thinking aloud" that I have forgotten how to "think silently."  I find myself in the car saying, "I'm going to need to turn right when I see the green sign."  On Monday I took a wrong turn and felt like cursing but kept it under my breath.  The empty car just might get offended.

Yesterday as I finished my church work I kept waiting for the little knock on my office door.  Paul didn't come to tell me preschool was over for the day and I kept on working.  I discussed to an empty car whether or not I would have time to buy a frozen pizza at Kroger before school let out.  I did and the car agreed.

We are all so happy to have school back in session.  Both children adore their teachers and Adam and I are thrilled.  Adam's routine remains the same.  Mama, however, has to relearn how to think and arrive at locations without children.

Back to School!

Yesterday Paul kept asking me, "Why do you keep hugging me and saying, 'My little kindergartener'?" I told him, "Not too long ago you were a baby wearing diapers and learning to crawl.  Now you can read books and you're going to kindergarten!"  He replied, "I can crawl now, too."

Today was the first day of school for Claire and Paul and it's 2 p.m. and I'm sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee and eating Trader Joe's trail mix.  It has been a good day.

We all mostly got up on time.  The kids excitedly put on their new clothes.  I took them to pick out school shoes a month ago and we've been  holding them for the first day of school.  Paul strapped his on and announced they were too small.  His feet grew a size in a month!  Thankfully the shoes haven't been worn and I have my receipt.  We'll be stopping by Academy today to get some new ones.

Both kids entered their classroom without fanfare and we took photos and left with no tears from anyone.  I had anticipated that I might cry, but I was so excited I was able to hold it together.  I can't wait for 3:00 to see how the day went!

Claire was ready to pose, but Paul had to stop and inspect a bug before he got in position.

In front of the Little Free Library.

Loaded town with supplies and teacher gifts, we headed to school.

Adam and the kids in front of the school.

Evil kids or silly ones; you decide.

Claire got to sit by one of her best friends, all the way since Kindergarten!

Paul at his table.

Mia, on the left, is our neighbor from down the street.  Now she's Paul's neighbor in class, too!

Adam offering last words of advice before Paul gets to class.

Expecting less

Some days I feel like I should win an award for superhuman powers.  Laundry, dishes, toys on the floor, and work are all tamed.  I am on top of the laundry mountain, cheering and patting myself on the back for my multi-tasking superpowers.

Those days are few.

Most days I wake up full of hope, possibility, and expectations for the day.  Though it took him months to get his room that messy, I will teach Paul to clean his room in two hours.  I will take the kids to the zoo.  I will wash all the laundry.  I will declutter the counters.  I will squeeze every moment out of my summer "free time" and I will pay attention to the kids and be the best mom in the world.

I set my expectations way too high.  At 5:30 a.m. they all seem realistic, but by 3:00 p.m. I am headed downhill and getting desperate to finish my to-do list.  It's a mere two hours until I start dinner planning and cooking and I usually expect that I will finish my to do list by then.

This week I am catching up on my magazine reading in my "free time" and I read this article: http://www.lhj.com/health/stress/relaxation-techniques/stop-worrying-start-living/

Yesterday I decided I would stop multi-tasking so I could be less overwhelmed.  My new mantra is "I can only do one thing at a time."  I don't believe it yet; I'm still convinced I can do five things well.  I woke up this morning without a schedule, repeating that to myself.  My first "one thing" was catching up on my Bible reading.  I read First and Second Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther in about an hour.  Then I relaxed (took a nap) since the kids were still asleep (our summer schedules are wacky).  When we got up I repeated my mantra and was able to hang eight loads of laundry with the kids help in 45 minutes.  Later, we focused on finishing Paul's room and it was done in 30.  I focused on the dishes and spent 10 minutes catching them up.  It seems I can do a better job when I focus on only one thing at a time.

I am not multi-tasking.  There's still tons to do and I will never, ever catch up it seems.  But I seem to be less stressed when I do only one thing at a time.  I am not so disappointed when I expect less of myself.  In fact, when I expect less, I just might exceed expectations.

I am not the Messiah

A couple of years ago,  my friend Rev. Jason Valendy shared something with me that I constantly run through my head.
We were packing food for hungry people and I was saddened that it didn't seem like enough.  I wanted to run to the grocery store and spend all my money buying food for hungry poor people.
Jason said to me something one of his friends had told him.
"The good news is that there is a Messiah and He will save the world.  The bad news is that it's not you."
That has constantly been difficult for me to learn.  Not that I believe I am high and mighty, but that it's not my job to save everyone.
I'm the kind of person that sees a need and then does everything in her power to meet the need.  If I meet you and you are hungry, it is my instinct to run into my house and give you food.  If you need an ink pen, I will give you my last one.  If I can help people in any way, I do.
That's not always the best thing for any of us, however, and that is a life lesson for me.
Last week I volunteered at Claire's school to prepare for the silent auction.  As I was packing up the baskets, I was thinking, "If I had only known they needed, X, I would have bought it.  I have some great things that could have gone in that basket.  If this had been more organized, just think how great it could be.  I should organize this."  Fortunately before I said any of these things out loud, I reminded myself that it is not my job to save the world and that it was my job simply to pack the baskets with items available.  I didn't have time to go shopping or scour my home looking for other additions.  I did have time to pack baskets.
Several years ago, our family made friends with a family from another country.  They are fascinating and I loved hearing their stories.  They are also poor and had almost no food in their house.  I decided that I would save them.  I spent my own money and collected donations from the church to help them.  The problem with that was that it altered our relationship.  Instead of two friends on equal footing, we switched to a Giver and a Taker relationship.  They started calling me with any need they had because they knew I would help them.  I started avoiding their calls because I knew they were calling me to meet their needs and I couldn't do that all the time.  The friendship eventually fizzled because of this.
When I'm teaching at school, I constantly have to remind myself of my job function.  It is not my job to feed and clothe all 800 kids at my school.  It is my job to listen to them and read with them.
When I'm at church, I have to remind myself of my job.  It is not to fix the organization of every event or get volunteers every place they are needed.  My job is to communicate the needs to others.
When I'm at home, it is not my job to jump into every sibling argument and provide explanation for both sides.  It is my job to make sure the kids resolve their own conflicts and that they don't hurt themselves.
It is so hard for me not to try to fix the world, but I am not the Messiah.  I can't do it.

Working smarter, not harder

Today has been such a great day!  I got up at 4:30, downed coffee and read a chapter of my book, then took Sugar Dot for a walk-run.  After taking Claire to school, Paul and I played tennis, hide and seek, and then went to the Botanic Gardens for exploring.  Right now he's played out; literally.  He's snoring.
I keep coming up with thoughts that I want to blog, but then get distracted.  One idea I've been wrestling with is how would Lent and Easter be different if I lived South of the Equator?  We're about a week from Easter and it seems every tree and plant know it.  The birds are singing all day and everything is in bloom.  It's like the entire world is living a resurrection story.  Below the Equator, though, it's autumn.  So while I feel all Eastery looking around at all the pretty flowers, citizens in South America are looking at falling leaves.

Another item I want to mention is the book I'm reading.  It's fascinating.  It's called The Compass for Pleasure by David Linden.  Adam actually requested this book from the library because he heard an interview on NPR.  He wanted to read it, but I swiped it before he could.  I'm a faster reader anyway, so it's okay.  This book is about the part of our brain that registers pleasure.  So far it's neuroscience for those of us that barely know what that word means.  Check later on my goodreads list to see what I think of it when I'm done.

One of the goals I'm focusing on right now is to work smarter, not harder.  I am a hard worker and I get up earlier than most and stay up until I absolutely can't stay awake any longer (usually somewhere about 9:05) but I still can't keep up with all the housework, errands, and playing that I must fit into the day.  One way that I'm trying to work smarter is by getting organized.  If you are a woman that needs help with organization, I want to recommend Simple Mom to you.  This lady is a little on the OCD side (apparently she alphabetizes her children's books) but she has great ideas on organization and you can always put your own spin on it, right?

I cleaned out the pantry and donated all unwanted items to the food bank.  I cleaned out my closet and donated extra clothes to Goodwill.  I've started writing down all my to-do lists in one place.  These small actions help my sanity.

I've also discovered about myself that I lack an intentionality about certain things, like placement of my car keys.  Just a month ago, and every day previous, I would spend 5-10 minutes a day looking for my car keys.  I wouldn't pay attention when I walked in the door, so that meant chaos when I walked out the door later.  I promised myself that I would put my keys in one of two places EVERY time.  Believe it or not, that little agreement with myself has completely changed my mornings.  I don't have to curse at myself for losing my keys because Voila!  I know where they are!

I've also started back with my walking.  I love early morning walks.  Besides the exercise, they help me clear my mind.  I'm able to say many short prayers of thanksgiving as well as enjoy the birds singing good morning to me.  Sugar Dot also loves them.  Wesley is too old to go further than a block, but that darn chihuahua can walk and run as far as I can and then some. 

One part of life that I love is that you can always reinvent yourself, improve yourself, and learn.  Maybe one day every scrap of paper and shoe in my house will be organized, but until then, I'm going to keep working and learning.

Employment

Since January, I've been the communications coordinator at Arlington Heights United Methodist Church. I'm in charge of the newsletter, the website, and various other church publications as needed. While the kids are in preschool, I get to sit in my office and pretend I'm an adult. I love it! Here's some pictures of my office: This would be my bookshelf with my shrine to cute kids...mine and Miss Marijn Joan Koons! This is my wall of original artwork. On the left is a self-portrait by Claire. In the middle is a real oil painting depicting faith as a tree. My friend Robin Stout painted it and I was so honored that she let me have it! It's so pretty. On the right is an Allison Smith pastel design. I love to stare at it.

Look! I look important and busy!

Robin took these photos and said, "You're so important and busy that you have to work on two computers at the same time!" I was cracking up when she was taking the pictures. That's how serious I am. If you look in the background, you can even see my college diploma framed! Woohoo! I'm a grownup!