Thank you, thank you, thank you!

What a week! 

Since last week, we've had many adventures and many places to be grateful. Here's a smidgeon of what I'm grateful for today.

1. Independent woman

I took both kids to Wal-Mart this week. I had my list and Claire had a few items she wanted for a recipe she was working on. I left her on the baking aisle with her list and told her I'd be right back. When I returned, she was consulting with a Wal-Mart employee about her list. She had located this giant, at least 6' 5" male employee, and wasn't intimidated at all. She confidently told him what she was looking for and he was helping her find it. He told me how impressed he was with her confidence and intelligence. He said she was as smart as the kids on The Parent Trap. I took it as a compliment.

2. Coffee study break

I have a few unscheduled hours on Thursday mornings. It's dedicated homework time. This week,  however, I took the study session to Avoca coffee shop. The shape of the steamed milk alone makes me happy.

3. Laughter, again

Although, frankly, I laugh all the time, there were three times this week that I laughed so hard I lost my breath. I am lucky to have so many funny people in my life. (I'm married to one of them.)

4. Cute kids

Claire has two American Girl dolls, (Thanks, Grandma!) so she and Paul split them up to parent them one on one. Paul was super cute being a dad and Claire was super cute being a mom. Notice how Claire's glasses match her doll's? Totally coincidence. 

5. Wheel of Fortune

I love watcing Wheel of Fortune with the kids. We work as a team to solve the puzzle. Soon, they will be better than me.

6. Staying afloat

Mid-terms and papers are on the horizon, and I anticipate having to crawl into a hole until those get done, but for now, I am staying afloat with all my responsibilities. Family, jobs, homework, home stuff. It's all in balance right now and I'm grateful.

7. The Pope

This week at the gym, I have been grateful to watch all the exciting Pope press coverage. It's much better than the violence usually covered by the media. I'm not Catholic, but I'm a fan of this Pope. Even his car is cool!

8.  Family time

Last weekend we had some long-lost cousins in town. They haven't been lost, but they haven't been around the DFW area since I was a kid. We had an unofficial family reunion and we all had a great time! Swimming, talking, and hanging out at another cousin's new coffee house. It was awesome.

9. Private Coffee House

My cousin Maddie just opened up a bakery and coffeehouse in Waxahachie. It's called the Back Porch Coffee House. It's been her dream to open a bakery, and now she's got one. The whole family filled the place up on Saturday. You can check them out at the super long link. http://waxahachietxcoc.weblinkconnect.com/events/Ribbon-Cutting-ForBack-Porch-Coffee-HouseTuesday,-September-22,-2015,-1000-am-4156/details

10. Weird illness

Poor Paul missed a day and a half of school this week for a weird illness. He had a fever the first day, but the second day we just kept him home to make sure he was okay. He was. Instead of nursing him, I supervised his Lego playing and reading. I'm grateful he just had a fever and wasn't miserable at all.

Thanks, Again

Today we wrap up our second school week, and I am thankful.

Here's my list for the week:

1. Catching up with friends

By this weekend, I'll almost be done catching up with everyone I lost contact with over the summer. I am grateful for the various rhythms that the changes in seasons bring and I'm grateful for several friends that keep up with me and keep me grounded. I have a good mix of friends I listen to and friends that listen to me. I am thankful.

2. Connecting the dots

In Theology class, we are learning some church history. In Methodist History class, we are obviously doing the same. What is exciting to me is taking history that I've known my whole life and connecting it with what I'm learning today. I understand a more complete picture this way.

3. Pumpkin spice coffee creamer

Starbucks isn't serving Pumpkin Spice lattes just yet, but I've already bought the flavored creamer and am enjoying the tastes of fall.

4. Swimming

We are so blessed to have our very own swimming pool in the backyard. The kids favorite after school activity is walking home and immediately getting into our swimsuits. We swim for a bit before we come in and do homework. It's just enough to reset our minds and our body temperatures. I love living in Texas, where I can swim and drink Pumpkin Spice lattes in the same day.

5. My blender

For uses that were certainly purely academic, I bought a sturdy blender in college. Nearly every day I still use the same one, now making healthy fruit smoothies for breakfast. It's entertaining to me to think of what I used to put in my blender and what I get excited about now. 

6. My new owl

At the local elementary school where I work, I'm known for my fancy hair ornaments. I buy fake birds at Dollar Tree and wear them in my hair. This week, my friend Teri became aware that I didn't have a fall bird for my hair. I've been wearing spring birds in the fall. Thank God she remedied the situation and now I have a fall owl. 

7. Three day weekend

Woohoo! We made it to the weekend, and now we have time to catch our breath and catch up before our  third week of school starts.

8. Not having to worry

Claire's teacher told me this week how much she enjoys having her in class. I thanked her. Paul's teacher told me this week how lucky I was to have two excellent children. I thanked her as well. I am grateful that our children are loved and appreciated beyond the walls of our home. I am thankful that already, they are loving, productive members of society. 

9. Teamwork at work

At church, I am grateful to work with people as a team. It's exciting to see when one of us starts something or has an idea and then the others pitch in and make it happen. We all have different gifts and I am grateful that they compliment each other. I'm also happy to be part of the team at school and be one of the people that works behind the scenes to help.

10. Being in the right place 

My schedule takes me to a different place nearly every day. I'll work at church, then school, then go to class, and home. I am grateful that in each one of these settings, I feel completely at home and in the right place for me. I have loved ones in each location and each setting fits me perfectly in a unique way. I am humbled and grateful.

First Week of School Thanks

Yesterday the family wrapped up the first week of school. Claire is now officially a fourth grader, Paul is a second grader, and I am back at Brite Divinity School working on my Master of Divinity degree. Adam is still Adam with his awesome engineering skills.

Here's a few pieces of grattitude from this week:
1. Ease of transition
We bought all our textbooks, school supplies and uniforms weeks ago. Switching from summer mode to school mode happened with no drama and no hardships. We were in summer and now we are in school and it went seamlessly. I am so grateful that we made the transition so smoothly.

In case you missed it, here's my first day of school picture.

2. Summer memories
This summer was possibly the best summer of my life. We had a wonderful, beautiful vacation to California that included an extensive road trip. We swam in the pool. We reconnected with friends. We relaxed. I read two to three books a week that had nothing to do with theology. I took my kids to work with me and the church and the kids were fine.

3. Wesley Eugene
A couple of weeks ago, our vet told us to prepare for the impending death of our Yorkshire Terrier, Wesley Eugene. He was very ill and if he didn't make a dramatic turnaround, we would need to put him to sleep. Adam and I had a hard conversation and I had many tears. Wesley is 13. He was our first answer to baby fever and he's been with us for almost all of our marriage. We made the decision to call the vet the next day and make an appointment to let him go. That same night, he decided to let us know he wasn't done living. He ate everything I put in front of him. Since then, he has steadily been getting back to his old self. The other night he woke me up barking at a helicopter flying. While I wasn't happy to be awake at 1 a.m., I was happy that he was feeling well enough to defend our territory against the threats of flying machines. He's a good dog and I am grateful for his life, however long that will be.

4. Banana bread
I'm not done delivering it yet, but I was able to make another tuition payment with banana bread funds. Thank you to all who eat and support my call to ministry! It looks like I will be debt free for another semester! (Those of you who haven't received your bread yet, it's coming. I promise.)

5. Good conversations
During summer, I am simply starved for adult conversation. I am so grateful that Adam and our budget allow me to only work one part-time job in the summer. I love being around my children and listening to the desires of their hearts and experiencing the world through  their eyes. However, by the end of summer, I am simply starved for adult interaction and want to talk about anything other than PBS shows or Magic Treehouse books. I have been so grateful this week to be around people with which I simply fall into good conversation.

6. New classes
This semester I am taking Theology I and Methodist History and Doctrine. Several people have said to me, "That sounds exciting." I always respond with, "It is SO exciting! I can't wait!" It took about five of these exchanges for me to realize that my friends were being sarcastic and not everyone is as enthusiastic as I am about learning in seminary. That's okay. I am grateful to be there because it is the right place for me. I'm excited regardless.

7. My two jobs
I love working at church. I love my coworkers and I have been constantly learning about ministry. I am so grateful to be serving where I am because it is the perfect place for me to grow. However, when I set foot back in the school building where I work as a tutor, I knew it was the place for me, too. It was good to be back at school to see the kids, to share my name, "Mrs. Awesome", and to listen and laugh with the teachers and administration. I love having a place where I show up, say, "I'm here to help," and do a wide variety of tasks from tutoring to moving boxes to labeling file folders.

8. My secret weapon for ordination and world domination
Since Paul was an infant, we've had a special babysitter. As the kids have gotten older and my responsibilities outside the house have grown, I have been so grateful to Gabby Rosas for being able to pick up the slack to care for the children when I am in class or in meetings. I am so grateful that when the children are in her loving hands, I never have to worry at all. She's smart, capable, and she loves them. I couldn't ask for more.

9. Jansport
Recently my backpack from high school started getting worn out. I know I look 22, but actually, my 20 year high school reunion will be next year. That means my blue Jansport backpack has been with me through high school, college, and children. It's also lifetime guaranteed. I sent it back to the Jansport warranty department and they fixed it and sent it back for free. I did splurge and buy a new one this year, but I'll be using the same Jansport backpacks until I'm in the nursing home.

10. Adam
I am so grateful for my consistent and consistently flexible, husband. He works hard and doesn't get upset when situations arise like my locking my keys in the house or all of us in the kitchen at the same time while he's tying to iron his work clothes. His brain and worldview are 180 degrees different than mine, but it almost always makes us better together. I'm so right-brained, I really value his left-brained nature.

Now onto homework, for which I am also grateful!

Summertime!

We wrapped up the school year with Claire finishing third grade and Paul finishing first. Both kids recieved so many awards at the awards ceremony that they couldn't all be announced.

Paul laughing with his buddies after receiving his awards.

Claire reading the giant list of her awards.

The next week, we started summer. The first day of summer, the kids were completely spastic, and of course, that was also the day I had to take them to work with me. With two kids bouncing (literally) off the walls while I tried to get work done, I was worried about the long summer stretched ahead of us. By the end of the week we had caught our breath and started a new rhythm, so the kids and I both calmed down and breathed a sigh of relief.

We were able to get up close and personal with one of the elephants.

Our first big field trip of the summer was to Cameron Park Zoo in Waco. I have made a friend who is also in UMC ordination process and we decided to meet halfway between our houses, in Waco. The zoo is much smaller than the FW Zoo, but there were no crowds and the zoo featured tons of shade and several spots with air-conditioning. We had a great time and even brought our niece, Morgan.

I have no idea where the boy gets his goofiness from.

We've taken other field trips this summer to use our memberships to fabulous places in DFW. The kids spent 45 minutes programming robots at the Perot Museum. We've been to the library twice already. We celebrated Adam's birthday at Six Flags. Paul had a pool party for his birthday and has played about six baseball games. Some days we have been very extravagant and just stayed home.

By far the most hilarious event of the summer so far has been the animal masks. I was alerted to Amazon's abundance of latex animal masks by my friend, Stacy. Adam and I decided they were a must to keep us entertained on our vacation road trip. They were so hilarious that we couldn't wait to wear them, though.

Yesterday we went to the FW Zoo and both kids took their masks.

At first I said, "Paul, get down from there!" But then I realized he was being a squirrel by crawling up on a fence like real squirrels.

It's a bird feeding a bird. It's Claire hilarity!

Thank you, thank you, thank you

I am currently reporting live from inside a whirlwind that is my life. Somehow I am standing on my own two feet, but that is not by my own accord. I am propped up by loved ones and a giant stack of books, not to mention that pile of items I need to take to Goodwill.

www.sxu.hu

I tutored once a week at a local elementary school. I love working there because it has no connection to anything else in my life. I can show up at school and be a grunt. I never know what the day will hold, so I show up with open hands, ready to do whatever is needed. (Including that time I had to scrub caked-on cheese. Hilarious.) 

I was working in communications at a church in Weatherford, but got elected to serve in children's ministry while the church searched for a children's minister. Not what I expected, but I had fun and learned about developing a leadership team and a rotation of helping hands. I also was challenged several times to look at Bible stories in a new way when the children quizzed me.

My grandfather's health began failing and he moved to hospice and then passed away. I was called and honored to be helpful and present in that process as well.

The children upped their extra-curricular activities and Adam and I worked hard at tag-team parenting to accomodate my class schedule and homework load.

As the fall semester ended and the holidays set in, our family came down with the flu. We all had our flu shots, but this was apparently a unique strain. The positive aspect of having the flu during the holidays is that you are forced to slow down. Once we all recovered, we were already in the habit of staying home, so we spent the holidays being together at home. It was the least stressful holiday season I can recall.

And now we are in full swing of the spring semester. The kids are back at school and this was my first week back at seminary. My stack of textbooks is daunting, but I am hopeful and enthusiastic about my classes. I'm taking Pastoral Care and Counseling as well as A Comparative Study of Howard Thurman and Thomas Merton. I've received some good-natured teasing about the weightiness of the subjects, but I am looking forward to how both classes will stretch me and teach me.

The church was able to hire a new children's minister, and I've been passing duties to her. Starting next week I'll really be able to hit the ground running and hopefully be able to write and improve church communications. I'm looking forward to that with great anticipation.

Since my duties at church scaled back, I upped my tutoring to two days a week. I enjoy being around students and helping with administrative tasks. The kids can't remember my name since I'm not there every day, so I answer to the name "Ms. Awesome."(As a joke, I shared that story with one of my professors, who proceeded to address me that way the rest of the first class.)

Meanwhile, I've been pursuing ordination as a deacon in the United Methodist Church. My ultimate goal is to be a helping pastor and Bible study author. I'd like to work behind the scenes helping the church and its people while writing curriculum for the church.

After much paperwork and a panel interview, I was approved as an official candidate for ministry in the UMC. I think yesterday I said, "I'm so excited!" at least 100 times. The sentiment still rings true.

So for those of you that support me with prayers or buying and eating my banana bread, thank you. For those of you that keep me sane by checking on me and listening to my chatter, thank you. For those of you that help me stand, thank you. I am grateful to you all.

First Week of School

Today was my first class of the semester at Brite Divinity School and for one of my assignments, each student was given a wooden stake with a string attached.  We were sent outside to plant our stake and observe the world around it for 20 minutes.

After class I called Adam and told him about this and his first confused reaction wasn't fit to print. I loved, it though, and shared how much fun seminary education is for me.  I came back with a list of three extensive metaphors that I observed. (ants/church, big picture vs. small picture, orienting myself in the world) I was enlightened and invigorated by this activity.

My first day of school photo.

School is back in session and we are so far, humming along nicely.  Claire is so proud of her first binder with her list of assignments and special pockets for assignments.  Paul is excited that his second best friends are in his class.  He didn't get his first best friend, but he got his two second best friends.

I returned to tutoring on Monday and walked seven miles inside the building of my elementary school. I greeted new students and escorted families to new classes. I was able to calm some nerves and share positive insider information about each teacher.  A new teacher to this building is an old friend of mine.  We taught together seven years ago, so it was fun to see her.  She's still teaching third grade, although at a new school.  I didn't get a chance to tell her all the life changes I've made in that period of time.

On Tuesday I started getting more comfortable (read: anxious and starting to worry) with some new responsibilities that have come my way.  I will now be coordinating some of the children's ministry at my church.  I'm also about to start working on video announcements.

Today was Brite. Today was seminary. I was so excited that I almost cried when I had to introduce myself. I looked at the ceiling instead.

I thought I'd have to hurry to Weatherford to make it in time for a meeting, but thankfully I was offered a break. Instead, I went to the TCU library and was able to check out two of my textbooks that I was lacking. I was gifted some free moments and saved $50 in the process.

For the return of the school rhythm, we are thankful. For the return of books and buddies, we are grateful. For newness in our lives, we are contented.  For strange assignments with sticks and dirt, I give thanks.

The End of Summer: Change

Today is the last weekday of summer, and we are all rejoicing around here.  We've had fun, but each member of our family functions better on a normal routine.

This last week has been difficult and more than once I've seen myself in a frustrated mom at a store. I had the chance to go to Whole Foods Market by myself this week, and passed a mom who was looking at her son telling her, "You are just driving me crazy today! If you can't get it together, we're going to have to go home, because I just cannot deal with it!"

I'd like to tell you that sounded foreign to me, that I haven't ever said that, much less this week, but I would be lying. I said about the same thing yesterday when I was ordering at Chick-fil-A and Paul felt the need to jump onto the counter and put his feet on the same place they serve food.

Claire and Paul playing Headbands two days after the car door incident.

Change is coming, and we are all ready for it. The anticipation of back to school has me counting down the minutes and the kids ricocheting off of anything they can bump into.

On Monday we had some fun at home, went bowling, and then went grocery shopping. I go to several stores to get the best prices, so the kids were frustrated toward the end. At Aldi, Paul jumped repeatedly onto and off the bagging counter. When we left, he decided he needed to go into Claire's side of the car, even though his door works perfectly fine. She was not okay with that, so she slammed the door.  His finger tips were still in the door when she shut it, and for a few seconds he was screaming and I was struggling to understand what was going on.

His hand was fine after ice; it didn't even bruise. I told Claire that it was good she was in the backseat and I was in the front because she would receive the spanking of her life if I wasn't driving. Instead of spanking her, I called Adam and asked for a solution. He came up with a great one. For the next 24 hours, Claire had to serve Paul. She had to buckle him up in his seat belt, she had to open doors, she had to draw his bathwater, make his bed, pour his cereal and milk, and on and on. She was frustrated with it, and Paul was eating it up. By the next morning he was telling her things like, "I need to use the restroom. Can you please come lift the toilet seat?"  I assured Claire that was not part of her punishment and that he could do it himself.

Last night was Meet the Teacher night and we were pleased to deliver our school supplies and shake the teachers' hands. Paul will have the same teacher Claire did in first grade (Hooray!) and Claire has the teachers we anticipated (also exciting!). Claire wrote a letter to her new third grade teacher to introduce herself.  It made me smile to see what she thought was important to include. "I don't think I'll say that I'm smart, because they'll read this and know. I'm going to write about the dogs."

I love my children. I enjoy spending time with them. I also love them in the normal pattern that the school day provides.

So starting Monday, we'll get back to our full-swing routine. Paul will be in first grade, Claire's in third, and I will be tutoring part time as well as working at a church part time as well as taking two graduate courses. It sounds insane, but somehow I have faith it will all work out.

I've also linked this blog post up at Five Minute Friday. Find it here.

End of the School Year Blitz

It's almost the last day of school in Fort Worth and we were honored to have both children attend Bruce Shulkey Elementary this year. We love our school for its diversity as well as the staff's love and respect for each child. The kids both have learned and grown this year and we are proud.

Claire's head is in the middle of this photo...

Yesterday was the talent show and Claire participated in a group singing of "Let It Go" from the movie Frozen. The song is full of emotion and anger but each child sang it with a light step and a smile on their face; it was pretty cute.  I saw one girl with a costume on and asked Claire why she hadn't told me she needed a costume. "Mama, a costume is a want, not a need," she said. "That's why I didn't ask." She chose a cute dress instead and received many compliments. I was surprised and humbled at her wisdom because she was absolutely right.
Paul didn't get to participate in this year's talent show, but we're already brainstorming for next year.

This week was also the awards ceremony. Each child received so many awards I can't even count. Academic acheivement in all areas.  We were proud of them, but didn't make a big deal out of it. Our children are so smart and we love them so much, but we know their abilities and I expect them to achieve academically, so we don't buy balloons or flowers.  We just hollered at them, hugged them, and told them good job. I also feel that congratulatory items are a slippery slope. If I buy balloons this year, I would feel like that wouldn't be enough next year and would have to buy bigger and bigger gifts until I had to stop at purchasing their first home before they were 18.


We recently had fun at Field Day. Paul woke up with a fever and sore throat that day, so I immediately took him to the doctor, knowing that a child in his class had strep. Luckily the doctor checked him out, tested him, and gave him the all clear. She gave us permission to take him to school tardy with the stipulation that he not kiss anyone. I don't know who was more excited when we arrived, Adam or Paul.

The girls beat the boys at tug of war in Claire's class.

Obviously Paul felt fine.

This is Paul with his "girlfriend" Emily. He informed me last week that she told him they broke up and now she is going out with Luis. "How did that make you feel?" I asked. "Great!" he said. "I told her I'm too young for a girlfriend anyway."


It's been a good year and we are grateful.

Listening and Motherhood

This morning as I walked Claire and Paul to school, Claire didn't take a breath. She was excited about the end of the school year and her stuffed penguin, which she was smuggling to school today to play with on the playground. This penguin, she said, would eat berries off the bushes at school because no fish were available.
"You know I'm part penguin," she said.
I raised my eyebrows. "Oh really?"
"Yes, I love fish like penguins, so I've got a little bit of penguin in me."
"Hmm."
Years ago, when I was a teacher, I learned about a teaching technique called "think aloud." To help a student develop their own thought processes, the teacher is supposed to speak aloud her own processes. When editing a paper, a teacher might say out loud, "This word looks different. I think I need to consult a dictionary to verify spelling on this word."  Or, "When my friend is mean to me, I feel upset. I think I will go play with another friend." This helps students with problem solving and connecting dots in their brain.
Knowing about that, I have consciously done that around my children since they were infants. I say, "I can't find a clean pair of socks. That must mean that I need to either fold the laundry or wash more. I think I'll fold this clean laundry because it's faster than washing and drying and folding a dirty load."
The results of sharing my thought processes is that Claire has become a verbal processor. She is never short on words. The hardest part of my day is 3:00 to 3:30 p.m. when both children are over-flowing with details of their day. Claire's class always arrives outside first, so she gets a head start on sharing every part of her day. Poor Paul has just started talking over her or interrupting to share what he needs to share. I think he's more of an internal processor, but it's hard to tell when he has to fight for space to speak.
I am grateful that my children find me a safe haven to share all the important and unimportant parts of their life. I try to remind myself that I am building a foundation of a relationship.  Today they talk to me about penguins and I try to listen hard and pay attention for when the real life problems arise. If I don't spend time investing in conversations about stuffed penguins, I'm afraid they won't turn to me to share stories about bullies or friends that make poor choices.
It's hard though. As an internal processor and someone who has a dialogue going on in her brain 100% of the time, I sometimes resent these interruptions into my thoughts and brainstorming. Listening all the time begins to make me weary.
To date, my hardest parenting struggles have been potty training and training myself to listen even when I have other things on my mind. Potty training, thank goodness, is far behind us, but the listening is every day.
Summer is on its way; only four more days of school. In the summer the kids will be with me almost all of the time. That means many opportunities to listen to conversations about stuffed animals and what they eat.
I am prepared to listen. I also recognize that the kids and I do get tired of our exclusive audiences with one another, so I am preparing on finding a time once a week for the kids and I to have some space apart. Lunch with a friend or coffee by myself gives me room to be a better listener later.

Think Before You Joke

My sense humor is pretty corny. I insert dumb jokes into just about everything. I won't say they're funny, but for some reason, my brain is quick with making connections to cheese.
The last couple of years, I have noticed a shift in the way my comments are perceived. Often, in an attempt to lighten the mood, I end up meeting a wall of defensiveness.

I noticed this first in the school setting. I find that I have to build a relationship with a teacher before I can be silly with them. My sarcastic humor is met with excuses and reasons backing them up.
For example, one of the copy machines at my school is almost always broken. So when I need to make copies, I usually have to wait in line. To pass the time, I make comments like, "We need to pray over that machine and only speak in soft tones around it." This poor attempt at humor is met with excuses, "I haven't copied anything in days and I have most certainly not touched that machine."
Or, I try to pump a kid up making a big deal of a small accomplishment. "Teacher, can you believe what I saw today? I saw so and so behaving himself and walking correctly in the hallway!" This is met with "Yeah, he better walk right because I've been lecturing him all day and his granny was up here yesterday."
This happens to me again and again in the educational setting, but it's not limited to that.
Last night I called and ordered a pizza from the local chain. They said it would be ready in 10 minutes, which was amazingly fast in my book.  So I drove there and saw that one man was on the phone taking orders and my pizza waited patiently to be boxed and handed over.  This was less than 10 minutes from when I made the phone call, so I was amazed at the speed of things.
The employee on the phone pulled the phone away from his ear and yelled to another employee in the back. The new guy immediately responded and came to the counter to help me.
I said, with a smile on my face, "I can't believe I had to wait so long. That pizza has been sitting there for a whole 30 seconds!"
He just stares incredulously at me.
"Ma'am, I've been in the back training a new employee. I'm sorry you had to wait."

www.sxu.hu

"Ummm, I was just kidding. You guys are amazingly fast."

After these uncomfortable situations pass, I usually remember there are reasons that someone didn't think my humor was funny.

• Maybe it really wasn't funny.
• Maybe I'm the only one in the room not stressed out to my utter limit.
• Maybe I'm not seeing the whole picture and this person is just trying to put one foot in front of the other and survive. Maybe they are using all their energy to carry their load and I'm distracting them.

Once I got in the car with my pizza, I remembered the pizza store has been robbed several times since I've lived in this neighborhood. That's not laughing matter. If I was constantly afraid of being robbed or attacked, I wouldn't want to laugh at stupid jokes either.

And with teachers, I usually end up finding out that a parent had verbally attacked the teacher that week and pinned their child's failures and misbehavior on the teacher.  When I went on a field trip with the kid's school this week, one teacher confided that a parent had been to school the previous week and cursed out every one in the office and all the other grade level teachers except her. She said she was immune that time because the parent wanted to attend the party in her class.

I'm going to try to make a shift. Since no one is laughing at my jokes anyway, I'm going to try to stop telling them. Instead, I'm going to try to stop filling awkward silences. If I just have to say something, instead of a joke, I'm going to try to insert a kind word.

Everyone seems to be overworked and overwhelmed. Maybe a kind word recognizing that will help more than a cheesy joke.

Seminary, Work, and Being a Present Parent this week

Just so I don't forget it and so I make sure all my readers share in the hilarity...

On the first day of class I was printing off all my class materials for that night.  I mentioned to Adam that I would be discussing Martin Luther. He says, "How many theses was it that he nailed to the church door? I can't remember." Claire immediately said, "Who put their feces on a church door? Why would they do that?"

And thus was my first seminary theological discussion.  Feces vs. Theses.  

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I wanted to share about my day yesterday because it is becoming typical of my days now.  I am so glad that I did research on time management last semester, because all my new knowledge is being put to use!

Yesterday

4:30 a.m. Jump out of bed, turn on coffee, start the computer, work on my paper on Martin Luther and  his understanding of grace.

6:30 a.m. Just finished printing the rough draft of my paper. Make sure everyone's out of bed, start making lunches.

7:45 a.m. Get kids to the school, race home.

8:30 a.m. Send rough draft of worship bulletin announcements to all who need to edit it, race out the door to my school.

9:00 a.m. to 1:55 p.m. I tutor in groups of 5-6, about 40 kids. One child got sent back to class for standing in his chair. One child got sent back to class for punching the assignment/table. The rest act precious and love reading with me. Each child anticipates the end of group when they get a cool sticker (My Little Pony or Transformers, their choice. Yesterday one boy chose a My Little Pony, but all the girls opted not to receive a Transformers sticker.)

1:55 p.m. I RUN, RUN, RUN to my car so I can make it to TCU in time for my writing appointment.

2:10 p.m. I arrive on the TCU campus and remember I'm not the only person that attends this school and I must park four blocks away from my destination.

2:20 p.m. After running as fast as I can and speedwalking when I am weary, I arrive five minutes late to my appointment. I tell my tutor that I will be a size six by the end of the day.  She reviews my paper on Martin Luther and gives me some valuable tips on how to improve. She kindly asks me to point out my thesis statement and I realize it stayed in my head and didn't make it to the page.

2:50 p.m. More running. It must be a typical class change period, because there are TCU students everywhere, all looking skinny and beautiful.  I don't care. I have to get my precious children from school. I plow them over with my giant backpack and giant coat flapping in the wind.

2:58 p.m. Arrived in car, called the school to tell them I would be late.  Driving as carefully and as quickly as I can, I realize there are two policemen going the same way I am.  I don't speed, but in my head I'm driving the Indy 500.

3:10 p.m. Arrived late to get the kids. Have phoned a friend to tell her we would be late for play date.  The kids aren't mad; they are laughing at my description of how I was running across the TCU campus to come get them.

3:30 p.m. Have baked some cookie dough for snacks for guests. Claire has laid out a spread of healthy snacks. Scrubbed bathroom for freshness, picked up terrible messes that we don't want anyone to see. Accepted that laundry will be seen and that's okay.  Doorbell rings.

4:00 p.m. Claire has shut herself in her room with her friend and Paul and his friend are in the hallway frustrated at the secrecy of girls. Paul steps on a clothespin and pinches his foot.  He screams unceasingly for 30 minutes. I worry that something is broken because he is never upset like that.

4:20 p.m. I call Adam to tell him Paul is possible injured badly although I can't see where. I hang up with him and call the doctor's office. I leave a message with the on-call nurse.  I try to ice Paul's foot. I put a bandaid on it. I distract him while I put a sock on it.  I pretend the dog is a doctor inspecting him. I sing cheesy songs. I offer to take him to the vet. None of this stops his crying.

5:00 p.m. The on call nurse phones us. I tell her what happened and during the conversation I realize Paul is running on two feet all throughout the house.  He has been healed! 

5:10 p.m. Company leaves and I remember Adam won't be home for dinner.  I won't be cooking then. We'll get drive through food after bath time.  I put Paul in the tub and Claire begins a two-year old meltdown.  She is seven.  I shut her in her room and make an important phone call.

5:30 p.m. Claire's drama has subsided. Paul is out of tub.  Claire gets in tub.  I talk with Paul and snuggle him for a few minutes.

6:00 p.m. Both kids are clean and dressed for bed. I snuggle Claire for a few minutes. I let them pick where they want dinner.  They pick McDonald's. (Yuck!) I take them there anyway. I try to find the healthiest option for my dinner and settle on Popeye's chicken, which isn't healthy at all, but at least it's not McDonald's.

6:45 p.m. Start reading bedtime stories.  Doze off a couple of times, but successfully read about Bad Kitty and Claire's book, which I can't even remember this morning.

7:45 p.m. Kids in bed. Time to clean up the kitchen from the maddening day. Pick up as many messes as I have energy for.  Pour myself a glass of wine.

8:50 p.m. Move to the bedroom with my same glass of wine to read.  Adam is still at his engineering event.  I read and try to stay awake as long as I can.

9:15 p.m. I believe I was snoring at this point and Adam arrived home.  We'll get to talk in the morning.

And today I start the cycle over, but instead of tutoring I have church work and instead of an appointment at the Writing Center I have class.  Hopefully today won't contain a mortal injury from a clothespin.

2013: A retrospective

2013 was a big year at our house. We all learned, matured, and grew either physically or emotionally.  Here are a few highlights:

Paul entered Kindergarten and Claire entered second grade. We were pleased to learn that Claire's teacher knew her and loved her before she even entered the second grade classroom. Claire loves reading and covers just about as many books as Sarah.  She is also excited about learning to multiply.  She is matter of fact and solid in her opinions and knowledge. She also is perceptive and often makes Sarah pause with her insights.

Paul loves his kindergarten teacher and mostly likes going to school. If you ask him, it's a gamble whether he will answer in the positive or the negative. He definitely would rather be home with Mama, but he is slowly adjusting to the fact he'll be at school every day.  He does have many friends and several girls try to hug him each day when he leaves the building.  He wasn't in any sports this year, but he is by far the most athletic in the family and constantly inventing new sports and climbing walls (literally).

Adam discovered Mark Twain in 2013. He's been working through the biographies, which are at least 1,000 pages each, but taking a break to read short stories. He also found a new love of sharing literature with the children and read them both Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer this year.  They've started working on Treasure Island.

Sarah compiled some of her blog entries into book fashion.  This was a huge step for me for several reasons.
1. I completed a childhood goal by writing a book.
2. I found out that some of my writing is actually worth paying for.
3. I learned how to make an epub.
4. I can google myself and find myself on amazon now!

My book is only available in electronic format. It's my first one and it's a trial run/learning process.  I would be honored if you read, it, though!  If you have a Kindle, you can download it directly to your Kindle device.  If you have an Ipad or other Apple device, you must first download the Kindle App and then go to amazon and get it.  If you have a Nook, like me, I'm sorry, it just won't work.

Here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Goofiness-Grace-Sarah-Boyette-ebook/dp/B00HBQUFL0/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

At the beginning of 2013 I came up with the idea that going to seminary would be a good idea for me. I could learn more about faith, the Bible, and people and become a theological writer. I planned to get started in 2023. At the end of 2013 I am reading several theological tomes to prepare for orientation. I'll be attending seminary next semester!

If you ask me how I will balance everything, or what my plan is, the answer is that I don't know. I work two jobs, have two kids, two dogs, and a husband. But, just a year ago I hadn't even considered going back to school and I'm just stepping forward on faith.  It's pretty crazy that I don't know how long this will take or where I will end up, but life is short and you have to take chances where you can.

2013 has been so full of surprises that we can't wait for 2014 to begin!

Our School Year Thus Far

I have always been a proponent of moving New Year's Eve to the week before school starts.  I haven't contacted the international calendaring committee but to me, this just makes sense.  January is in the middle of the school year.  That's not the time to start anything. The time to start routines and healthy habits is the first day of school.
It's the second week of school and we're settling into our new routines.  Paul has now realized that kindergarten won't be all fun and games and he'll actually have to do some level of work.  He's disappointed in this and yesterday started sniffling as we approached the school.  He told me he didn't want to go to school because he didn't feel like working that day.  He would rather go home and play all day.  I assured him I would also be working and to let me know if his teacher bit him.  "You tell me if Mrs. Alvarez bites you and I'll come up and take care of it."  That made him giggle and away he went.
Claire's enjoying second grade.  She has a good teacher as well and is having fun.  Her biggest disappointment so far is that she had to write so much she got writer's cramp.
Each day the kids come home with competing voices, trying to tell me details of the day.  Claire's daily report involves EVERY detail of her classroom life from the fullness of the soap dispenser in the bathroom to the reason so and so got into trouble.  Paul's reports cover his perceived injustices (he still didn't get a particular sticker he hoped for) and quotes from his teachers.
When Claire entered Kindergarten, I started the practice of sitting down with her daily to talk about all the events in her day.  I wrote up her answers in a blog.  Not only is it funny and honest, but it helped develop our relationship and teach her to communicate better.  She started out the same as Paul, not sure which details should be conveyed and spewing out a jumble of randomness.  Now she can have a more coherent conversation and with open communication lines, I am able to hear about everything that goes on in the classroom, good and bad.  This is reassuring to me because the complaints I'm hearing are minor.  Without being in her classroom I know her teacher is competent and that she has creative a positive learning environment.
Paul is still working on learning to tell me about his day.  I am writing down all he says as well but it's often one or two word answers.  He has the same kindergarten teacher as Claire did and our family loves her so much we consider her family.  Last year she asked us for a tree stump and so Adam got her one, putting the giant 100+ lb trunk on a two wheeler and rolling it a mile to our house.  We love Mrs. Alvarez.  Her mixture of left and right-brained activities help make her learning environment productive for all children.
Adam is glad for us to be back in school because it helps him get up earlier and get off to work easier.  All four of us walk to school together each morning.  Then he leaves for work and I have a miniature break where I can take a breath before I head into the office or school.
Typical of me, I set my self-expectations too high.  For my new year resolution, I planned to write on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and workout on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I still think it's a good plan, but I also am so thankful that I can give myself some grace when I don't live up to my own expectations.
Last week I had Friday off and was getting bogged down with all the chores I had assigned myself.  Instead, I threw caution to the wind, had coffee with a friend, went to lunch with Adam, and spent some quiet time by myself.  I bought groceries later and cleaned house the next day.  This was much more fulfilling than checking off my to-do list.
So we're all learning. We've all got our new year's resolutions and we've all got hope that we can carry them through to June.  In any case, we all have a sense of humor.

Mapping Unchartered Territory

With school back in swing, I have a small sense of being adrift in unfamiliar waters. Getting up early and getting the kids to school is something I know how to do and am good at.  But that time between dropping them off and picking them up is unchartered territory for me.

Of course I still have two jobs; split between working at church and tutoring, and once I show up for one I know what to do.  It's the little details that have me confused.

How do I get to work?

For the past several years my school routine has been drop off at school followed by the trek down Hulen to get to church to take Paul to preschool.  Monday I didn't need to go to church but found myself driving there anyway.  I can take a more direct route to school but was mixed up on how to get there.

When I was a teacher, I learned that voicing your thoughts ( called thinking aloud) was a strategy that helped children develop their own thought processes.  I am so used to "thinking aloud" that I have forgotten how to "think silently."  I find myself in the car saying, "I'm going to need to turn right when I see the green sign."  On Monday I took a wrong turn and felt like cursing but kept it under my breath.  The empty car just might get offended.

Yesterday as I finished my church work I kept waiting for the little knock on my office door.  Paul didn't come to tell me preschool was over for the day and I kept on working.  I discussed to an empty car whether or not I would have time to buy a frozen pizza at Kroger before school let out.  I did and the car agreed.

We are all so happy to have school back in session.  Both children adore their teachers and Adam and I are thrilled.  Adam's routine remains the same.  Mama, however, has to relearn how to think and arrive at locations without children.

Back to School!

Yesterday Paul kept asking me, "Why do you keep hugging me and saying, 'My little kindergartener'?" I told him, "Not too long ago you were a baby wearing diapers and learning to crawl.  Now you can read books and you're going to kindergarten!"  He replied, "I can crawl now, too."

Today was the first day of school for Claire and Paul and it's 2 p.m. and I'm sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee and eating Trader Joe's trail mix.  It has been a good day.

We all mostly got up on time.  The kids excitedly put on their new clothes.  I took them to pick out school shoes a month ago and we've been  holding them for the first day of school.  Paul strapped his on and announced they were too small.  His feet grew a size in a month!  Thankfully the shoes haven't been worn and I have my receipt.  We'll be stopping by Academy today to get some new ones.

Both kids entered their classroom without fanfare and we took photos and left with no tears from anyone.  I had anticipated that I might cry, but I was so excited I was able to hold it together.  I can't wait for 3:00 to see how the day went!

Claire was ready to pose, but Paul had to stop and inspect a bug before he got in position.

In front of the Little Free Library.

Loaded town with supplies and teacher gifts, we headed to school.

Adam and the kids in front of the school.

Evil kids or silly ones; you decide.

Claire got to sit by one of her best friends, all the way since Kindergarten!

Paul at his table.

Mia, on the left, is our neighbor from down the street.  Now she's Paul's neighbor in class, too!

Adam offering last words of advice before Paul gets to class.

Slowing down for happiness

Due to my four a.m. baking blitz yesterday and non-stop life the last few days, I was simply exhausted yesterday.  I moved in slow motion most of the day, but found blessings in that.
After I walked Claire to school yesterday, I kissed her bye in the hallway and just stopped to take a breath before heading back home.  I stayed in the hallway watching her walk away with pride.  Another girl was waiting on her to go down the hallway and hugged her good morning and then they held hands all the way down the hall.  This is a girl who Claire had problems with before.  She and I had talked extensively about it, brain-storming ways to fix the situation and eventually I began to send lunch notes to Claire and a separate one for the other girl.  To see the girl naturally hug Claire good morning and to see them giggling and holding hands down the hallway nearly made me cry.  Love does always win.
I took a few minutes with Paul to begin cleaning his room which looks like a tornado blew through it.  Of course, the entire house looks that way now, so I don't know why I am disappointed in his end.  This 15 minutes I spent with him on his room didn't end the problem, or even get it to a manageable clean yet, but it did allow him enough room to be able to play later in the day.  When we went to pick up Claire in the afternoon, he said, "Awww, man!  I didn't have enough time to play in my room!"  Hearing that made me smile.
After I took Paul to preschool, I was driving home thinking and praying and journaling at red lights.  A car in the left lane was driving ten miles below speed limit, but I was in no hurry, so I followed suit.  A few minutes later I realized a policeman had been right behind me for quite a while, but since I was going under the speed limit, I didn't have a chance of getting a ticket.  He was probably frustrated I was driving so slow and hit the gas to whip around me.
I registered Paul for kindergarten, which took much longer than I anticipated, but that allowed me to talk to each and every staff person involved, offering cookies and begging for placement in a particular class.  They aren't allowed to take requests, but I gave one anyway, and I am hopeful that it will be granted.  Watching the hustle and bustle of the school office and the anxiety and hope in all the new parents' faces filled me with pride and contentment.
I spent some time at Subway, and since I was the only customer buying lunch at 10:15 in the morning, I was able to chat with the employees and be particular about what went in my sandwich.  It was just another part of moving slowly and benefiting from that.
I had lunch with Claire and she sat in my lap for nearly the whole time.  She pointed out who her teacher will be next year and students who were good and bad.  She updated me on each lesson she had listened to that day and recounted all the details in a funny story the substitute shared about stepping on a frog.
When I picked up Paul, I told him we were going on a secret field trip, and walked him down the block to Curly's Custard, where he fished all the gummy bears out of the custard, licking each one off to perfection before showing it to me and then eating it.  I think he might  have eaten three bites of custard, but all the gummy bears.  He also pulled some race cars out of his backpack and showed me how to race them.  His tiny fire truck was placed in the decorative fountain where we discovered that it knew how to swim and didn't sink to the bottom.
There was more fun in the day....a nap, laundry, cooking dinner, and closing the evening with reading my book, but the best part of my day was that I wasn't in a hurry the entire day.  I was exhausted and knew I could only do one task at a time, so I did it merrily.  I wish, on days that I feel like I can solve all my problems before nightfall, that I could remember days like yesterday.  They are happier and I think, more productive in the end.

Five Kingdoms, or How I Learned About Grand Theft Auto

Yesterday was teacher day again.  My job was to assist another teacher while she taught.  The homeroom teacher was teaching other students, trying to get them to pass their STAAR test.  Most of what I did yesterday was listen.  The substitute had everything well under control, so I just wandered the room, helping students with their work as needed and listening to the stories of early finishers.
I'm sure that one day in my history, I knew the five kingdoms of living things.  I never committed it to memory, though, so I was very interested in listening to and helping fourth graders learn about them.  For those of you that have slept since fourth grade, the five kingdoms are:

1. Animal
2. Plant
3. Fungus (including yeast, mushrooms, and slime mold)
4. Protist (including amoebas and algae)
5. Moneran (bacteria)

I knew yeast was a living thing, but I didn't realize it was a fungus.  And slime mold?  I'm familiar with that from the mushrooms that I forgot to cook that hide at the back of the refrigerator.  I just didn't know it had a name.  

I was impressed with how this teacher refocused the class again and again.  She kept reminding them that they could do the work and her expectations were very high.  As more students finished their work and showed it to her, she would raise the standard.  She told me it was to provide the kids with enough confidence to know that the work could be done.  So at the beginning of the assignment she said, "My expectations are up to the ceiling."  When three people finished the assignment, she announced that it could be done and that "My expectations are through the roof."  When more turned theirs in, she said, "My expectations are up to the sky!  You can do this."

It worked.  Every child finished every assignment, even the ones that had trouble with focus or motivation.  Those students earned genuine applause from her when they turned in their work.  It was amazing to watch.

What I love about tutoring is that every day is unique and I get to watch different teachers with different personalities and tactics achieve results.  When I taught school full-time, I taught first graders and I had to be a little bit mama and a little bit teacher to help the students learn.  In the older grades, students are a bit more independent and it's fascinating to watch them work from their own motivation.

One boy in the class finished his work and was dying to talk to me about his new game "Grand Theft Auto."  I agreed to listen to an uncensored monologue about this.  We were on the side of the classroom, so we wouldn't disturb the others.  I don't know much about this game, especially from the perspective of a sweet (really) fourth grader.  As he talked to me, he told me that I used to tutor his sibling.  Immediately I placed his family.  He has supportive parents who take him to church multiple times a week and make sure he does his homework.  I've never met them, but I know from teaching his sibling that they are a caring, close family.

Here's some snippets I was able to write down, quotes from what he told me.

"I got this game Grand Theft Auto.  I killed a person.  Nah, I didn't kill a person.  I killed a cop.........I killed everyone but five people.....They had the army and S.W.A.T. team and police all after me.  I ain't gonna lie.  I took off running.  Only thing I could do was jack a car to keep going......."

Some people would have cut him off and not allowed him to finish his discussion.  Some would have shut him down, citing inappropriateness of that conversation at school, in particular from a 10 year old.  This boy was so excited about this game, though, he was busting at the seams to tell someone about it, so I let him....He actually seemed calmer once he talked to me about it.  

I was disturbed to hear his description of the game.  He obviously knows it's not real and lives in the TV screen, but this is something that was consuming  his brain power while at school.  It's not a real event, but of real concern to him.  I'm sure he's not the only elementary school kid playing this game and talking about it at school.  I don't think he's going to translate his actions on the game into real life.  But I fail to see a positive when students are meditating on imaginary violence. 

It's hard to grow up, and it seems to be getting harder every day.  

Innocence Lost

Yesterday was a heart-crushing day for me.
Claire, in a unexplained move, broke apart a puzzle Paul had completed.  Then they yelled at each other.  She stuck up her middle finger at him and he followed suit.
I was in the kitchen making dinner.  They were supposed to be getting ready for baths. At first, all I knew is that they had been yelling at each other.
Paul rushed in the kitchen to be the police reporter and tell me about the crimes that had just taken place.  Claire rushed in to label her brother a tattle tale.  I immediately separated them to find out the details.
Claire confessed to all crimes, and said she stuck up her middle finger because "it felt good to stretch it out." She knows what that  means because kids at school showed it to her and even explained it.  I had talked with her about it previously so she could understand how mean and hurtful and vulgar it was.
When I talked to Claire, she also told me Paul had done the same thing.  Paul is four.  He didn't even know what the middle finger was until his sister taught him just yesterday.  When I confronted him about it, he initially denied it but then told me the truth.
I didn't yell at them.  In classic Love and Logic style, I told them I was sad but not to worry because we'll figure out what the consequence is later.
It turns out the consequence is a sad mommy, no night-night stories, uncomfortable silence, and no television for an extended period of time.
I sent them to bed immediately after dinner, at 6:30 p.m.  They were in bed for ten minutes or so when Claire realized I hadn't put curlers in her hair.  Adam or I have curled her hair every day this week and she's looked gorgeous at school.  I told her no, I was too sad to curl her hair.  Not tonight.
What makes me more sad than the actual events that took place, awful as they were, is that there is no way I can protect them from the world.  Just one month ago, Claire, age 6, had never seen someone raise the middle finger.  We don't watch much television around here, and when we do it's Power Rangers or Wheel of Fortune.  Adam and I are very conscious about what the kids are exposed to and even our behavior in front of them.  But I cannot follow my child around the playground at school every day.
Sure, I could home-school my children, but eventually they will have to learn  how to live in the real world and not under Mama's protective wing.  I do believe it's better for them to learn how to live in society now where they can grow up with other children and gradually learn about the world, rather than protecting them at home until a determined date when I thrust them out into the world unaware.
So all I can do is explain as much as possible and offer them love.  I silently held Claire last night for at least 15 minutes while she cried.  Paul fell immediately asleep and apologized several times.
It's hard being a parent, because even if you paint the world with rainbows and butterflies, sometimes darkness seeps in.  Like Eve and the apple, once world-knowledge is obtained, it isn't lost.  This is just a fact of life.  My kids are growing up.  I can be in hiding and denial or I can work hard to help them understand the world around them.

Finding My Voice

Yesterday was my day to put on my teacher hat.  I am a part-time tutor at an elementary school, which means I show up with my teaching certificate and I teach whatever I'm asked to whomever I'm asked to teach.  It's nice because you can't get bored; every day is unique.
During testing time, I had two days where my main objective for the day was to hang black paper to cover instructional material in the hallway so students couldn't get any ideas as they went to lunch or the restroom.  (I believe this was a state-wide practice because I know we weren't the only school doing it.  It was required.)
Another day during testing time, my job was to pace the hallways.  I walked seven miles that day, all in the building.  On that day, and other test days, I was also needed to relieve teachers so they could use the restroom.  Every class I went into, I assured the teachers that I was certified, had signed an oath on testing practices, and they could escape for a few minutes.  One questioned my teaching pedigree.  "So you have taught before?  What school?  What grade?  And what do you do here?"  Once all that was answered, she felt safe enough to leave her students for a moment and use the restroom.
If you don't know, state-mandated testing is serious business.  Entire schools shut down to focus on the test. My school is no different.  We had a teacher watching each restroom in the building to ensure there wasn't any talking or cheating occurring. Hand dryers in the bathroom were disabled and paper towels used to keep the noise level down.  One teacher was creating unique origami from paper towels as she spent the day staring at a restroom.  Extra monitors paced the cafeteria to make sure a silent lunch room was actually silent.  No class, testing or not, was allowed to have recess.
The administration at my school works hard to keep everything positive.  We all have to follow the rules from the district and the state, but they keep smiles on their faces, encouraging students and teachers as they walk the hallways.  The lounge was full of baked goods to wish teachers good luck.  Test days aren't fun for anyone, but they do try their best to make them tolerable.
Yesterday when I showed up for school, I learned that I would be teaching fourth grade math.  The regular teacher had been pulled so he could focus on teaching struggling kids that have to test again.  Immediately, I was anxious because I've never taught an entire day of fourth grade, some of the kids are as tall as me, and I'm not a math whiz.  I took a deep breath, though, and decided to make the best of it.
I scanned the material the students were working on and decided it was doable.  So then I started having some fun.  Inside, I was laughing hysterically all day, but somehow, on the outside, I kept a straight face.
I told the students that if they didn't get quiet, they would be forced to listen to me sing and join the band.  I started singing the theme song from The Sound of Music.  Oddly, my melodious voice made them be quiet.
A few students kept talking, so I made them move their desk to the center of the room so they could be in my band.  I hummed a bad impersonation of a musical scale and encouraged them to join along.  They decided math was more interesting.
One boy was apparently the local pen dealer, because I caught him throwing brand new pens across the room to his buddies.  I was ecstatic, told him how much I loved writing with good pens, and got three to stick in my ponytail.  One boy, who was no less than seven feet tall, was having a stare-down with me and refused to give me his orange pen.  Inside, I was intimidated, but I stood my ground, with my hand out, singing "Doe a deer, a female deer, Ray, a drop of golden sun..........."  I got the pen quickly after I began singing.
After the students finished working independently, we went over the paper and checked their answers.  On the ones I didn't know right off, I had students stick their thumbs up to tell me which one was the right one.  I figured out the right answer by popular vote more than once.  (Yes, I could do the math, but making them tell me the answer was much quicker.)
By the end of the day, I was exhausted, and had successfully taught math to two classes of 24 fourth graders.  No one wanted to actually start a Sound of Music band with me, and I am not going to switch to full-time teaching, but I survived.  I found my voice, and that was enough for the day.

My life as a cussing tour guide

Before I had kids, I was a teacher.  As such, when Paul was born, I quit my career to teach my own children.  Claire was two at the time and arrived home from day care counting to 10.  Most parents would rejoice at that, but I nearly cried.  I was crushed that I wasn't able to teach her that fundamental skill.
Since then, my children's worlds grow every day.  Try as I might, it is impossible for me to teach them everything about the world as well as all the book knowledge they will need to succeed.

I often view myself as a tour guide in my children's lives.  Sometimes I take them places where I can explain what they are experiencing as they are experiencing it.  And sometimes they see something and I have to stop the tour bus to go back and explain it.

Lately, that has manifested itself in the area of foul language.  I really don't curse in front of the kids.  I like to think I'm creative enough to avoid it.  "Oh, Shhhhenanigans!"

Claire came home at the beginning of the year and asked me what cruss words were.  It took me a few minutes to realize she had combined curse words and cuss words.  Explaining what curse words were piqued her interest and she was asking me all sorts of questions:  "Is stupid a cuss word?  Is butt?  Is dumb?" Knowing that she wouldn't quit until she had one in her head to meet the formula, I shared the word "sh**" with her.  She then understood that these were words she hadn't been exposed to and wasn't supposed to say.  I told Adam about this exchange and he couldn't believe I actually shared a forbidden word with our daughter.  I'm not sure what he would have done had he been in the car at that moment.  He wasn't mad at me, just perplexed.

So over the course of this first grade year, I've had to navigate through the minefield of okay and not okay words.  Never before was I so aware of all the gray area in our language.  No, stupid is not a cuss word, but you shouldn't say it because it's not nice.  I think I've done a successful job of confusing Claire, and definitely Paul when he's been in earshot of these conversations.

Two weeks ago Claire was sharing with me, her tour guide, a fact she had learned at school that day.  "Mama, I know what the middle finger means now.  It means F---."  I nearly choked at her nonchalance, but she was just sharing knowledge with me, like she always does.  She didn't realize this was a forbidden word.

The curse word situation has escalated at the playground and classroom.  Other students, whom I love, who are good kids, are dropping F bombs on the playground or flipping each other off when the teacher's not looking.  I know this because Claire is like a news reporter.  Everything that happens in at school is recorded for repeat to me later.  I often check her facts and find them to be pretty near true and uneditorialized.

This situation sounds pretty out of control and horrifying, but I know each and every person involved, and I'm not horrified.  Claire has an excellent teacher who loves her students, including Claire.  She works just as hard as she can to meet each student's needs.  She really is awesome and I've got nothing but respect for her.  She has her class under control, but she cannot avoid ever turning around or hold each child's hand on the playground to make sure they are using appropriate language.

And for the kids, I know from asking questions, that this is not an angry thing.  This is about growing older and obtaining new knowledge.  This is about trying out new things to see if they work.  They are not angry at each other when they use the F word or when they flip each other off.  They are stretching their legs, learning independence, and figuring out what works for them.  This is about obtaining a new vocabulary word and trying it on for size.

And the kicker for me is that I can't raise my child in a bubble.  Even if I had the money to enroll her in an expensive private school, chances are, the kids there know these words too and the same thing would happen.

For me, the way I deal with this is with prayer, many deep breaths, and ears to listen.  As the kids gain new knowledge, it is my job as their tour guide and mother to help them understand the world around them.  Unfortunately I cannot travel everywhere with them, ready to cover their eyes and ears to the inappropriate.  I can be here to listen and offer some advice and a hug.