A Day in the Life

Yesterday was a normal day in the Boyette household, but I was trying to explain the craziness to friends and realized that our normal isn't anyone else's.  So here are the laughs and crazy events from yesterday.

Our first adventure yesterday was a trip to Dollar Tree.  I had to buy stickers for our garage sale and the kids were allowed to select one toy each.  Paul, predictably, got a squishy ball.  Claire selected some magnets called "Snake Eggs" which make a noise when you clack them together.  She immediately renamed them dinosaur eggs and was delighted to explain their magic to us.  Then she dropped them in the car.

Wailing loudly, she searched through the toys and other debris in our backseat to find them but her seatbelt impeded progress.  I let her unbuckle at a long red light.  She still couldn't find them and kept wailing that they were gone forever.

I had to pick up an item at church so I rolled all the windows down, opened doors, and left the kids outside digging through the backseat to look for the dinosaur eggs.  Claire was crying uncontrollably and throwing toys at Paul.  Paul kept reassuring her that her eggs were not lost and even offered one of his toys to comfort her.  All the way home they made each other happy again by singing "BettieCarol, BettieCarol, BettieCarol Sherry!!"  (Just go with it if you don't know about this one.  Kind of a long story.)  They decided to make BettieCarol some cards and Claire said, "But it's going to be hard to make her a card because I'll have to say her name wrong to spell it.  I'll have to say it real slow."

Once home, the dinosaur eggs were forgotten and I had 15 minutes to make lunch before Adam arrived to eat with us.  Luckily I had already planned it so I whipped it together and voila, we had lunch.  We all watched Wheel of Fortune while eating and the kids enjoyed guessing the puzzles.  Often, Claire can beat Adam and me to solving one.

Paul sat and actually read a book to me. (He's started reading this summer!)  Then the babysitter arrived so I could go to the doctor for a checkup.

An hour and a half later, I walked back in the house and Paul, in full Spider-Man costume, looked at me and moaned, "Ahhhhh."  He said he didn't have enough time to play.  I said I would pretend to not be there yet.  I went to Claire's room and saw she and the sitter had draped a sheet over her door frame.  It was now a castle door and the babysitter was renamed "Belle."  She told me that she had been fighting with Spiderman, the castle guard, but was then informed that princesses don't fight so was now confined to the castle.

"Belle's" brother arrived to pick her up and we all sat and talked for a while.  Paul was doing cannonballs on the couch and shouting "Feces!"  Claire was saying something about fecal matter.  I was mortified.  Their father has taught them all the scientific words for poop and they take joy in sharing their knowledge with others.

I attempted to have an intelligent conversation with adults while the children interrupted with more fecal vocabulary words.  I had to send them to their room several times, but it's hard to shut down the poop talk when the guests are laughing.  I assured them that this was not a performance just for them but that the kids unfortunately are normally comfortable with talking about such topics.  The same girl who drew a giant heart on the driveway that says "Jesus loves us" was explaining that she likes to refer to the bathroom as the "defecation station."

I continued to be mortified, but when you are sitting at a kitchen table talking with friends who can clearly see the five loads of laundry waiting to be hung as well as the He-Mans and Ninja Turtles commingled on the floor, not to mention the kids who are dancing and talking about the bathroom, it's hard to pretend that this isn't your life.

After they left, I had fifteen minutes to get the kids a snack and get them ready for our next adventure.  Adam was using his truck to help move a swing set from one friend's house to another, so we made it a family affair.  Paul and Claire ran around our friend's backyard until Adam was ready to go.  We all chatted for a bit and then went on to the next house.

While the men reconstructed the swing, the mom and I chatted.  She didn't know we were coming, so she hadn't had time to prepare the house for company.  It's always comforting to see other houses in their natural state.  It reminds me that other people have dirty dishes and toys on the floor. 

For some reason, particularly in the summer, I believe that it's possible to have a spotless house, well-behaved children, and engaged intellects.  That is the standard that I strive for daily and fall-short of daily.  

In reality, I have a messy house and two happy, intelligent, caring children who share a love of fecal vocabulary with my husband.  Oh well, spotless houses and spotless lives are boring anyway.

Thank you Monday

Thank you Adam Boyette for being a better painter than me.  I just want to slap some paint on the cabinets and you take time and effort to make it look perfect.

Thank you BettieCarol for having the best name to shout and for letting me rub your head for good luck.  Just thinking of you makes me laugh.

Thank you loud bird outside who woke me up yesterday when my alarm failed to do it.  Thank you Adam's Ipod for doing the job this morning.

Thank you to my friend Savanna who is always willing to get in the car with me, even though I get her lost a lot.  I get so interested in what she's saying I forget where we are and miss my turn again and again.

Thank you church for being a place of love for my entire family.  I can't count how many hugs I gave and received yesterday.  

Thank you Stacy for keeping the nanner joke going for almost 20 years now.  If only my parents knew what joy refrigerated bananas would bring me at the age of 35.

Thank you Melody for coming to my house and offering some perspective as well as letting your adorable kids play.

Thank you Helen for running with me 20 years ago and still associating yourself with me. (and for being my FB privacy patrol.)

Thank you to Adam and the kids for my massage on Saturday.  It was 80 minutes of decadence and I only fell asleep once.

Thank you Thursday lunch date who listened to me without complaint for an hour and a half even though I was making you late.

Thank you Paul for being the sweetest five year old I know.  For making me laugh with a change of your face and for making me proud again and again.

Thank you Claire for being the most perceptive seven year old I know.  You are so smart I am already running to keep pace with you.  I can't wait to see you leave me in the dust and become a brilliant star.

Thank you reader for reading anything I type up and helping me keep my dream to become a published author alive.

Happiness is....

Growing up, I always loved Holly Hobbie and her spin-offs with their cute little phrases.

Some of my favorites:

"Happiness is having someone to care for."

"Love is the little things we do for each other."

"No road is too long when shared with someone you love."

"Happiness is sharing."

"Happy is the heart that dreams."

Yesterday I was cooking dinner while Paul worked on a puzzle on the kitchen floor and I was filled with happiness.  Here are some "Happiness is..." phrases of my own.

Happiness is making dinner for your family while watching your children be creative.

Happiness is teaching your daughter a favorite pastime of your childhood.

Happiness is seeing your daughter wear a crocheted cap with pride.  I know for a fact that my grandmother made this and used it as a flower pot cover.  (Please don't tell Claire that fact because it makes me so happy to see her wear that flower pot on her head.)

Happiness is having an uninterrupted adult conversation.

Happiness is catching up with old friends.

Happiness is scheduling your Mother's Day massage in July.

Happiness is listening to your children explain the world to each other.

Happiness is taking your children to an art museum and hearing their thoughtful interpretations of the art.

Happiness is sharing a gelato with your favorite preteen.

Happiness is spending a week with your niece that you love so much and then returning her to her mother.

Happiness is your best girlfriend replying to your cranky emails.

Happiness is sharing your maternal struggles with another mother and knowing that you are not crazy or alone.

Happiness is hope.

Emergency Retreat

Parenting is challenging all the time, but it seems particularly hard during the summer when there are 24 hours to fill instead of just the time before and after school. We stay busy with creative activities and for the most part I am engaged and happy to have the privilege of being primary caregiver at our home, but sometimes I need a break.

A problem of mine is I that I go along my merry way without stopping until I am at the precipice of insanity before I realize that I need some time away.  That realization came to me Saturday as I found myself jealous of Adam spending 30 minutes by himself at the pool store.  Besides a few moments working alone in my office, I hadn't had a moment to myself since a workout on vacation several weeks ago.  My internal clock is off and I haven't been able to get up at my usual 5, so my time is all kids all the time.

I told Adam I had to get out of the house and left.  I found a public place to sit and I sat and breathed for a long time.  Just sat and breathed.  Then I drove aimlessly, picked a random nail salon and ordered a pedicure.  It was fabulous, and my toes look prettier than they have all summer.  Two hours later, I returned home refreshed and renewed.

I'm not proud that it takes me so long to realize that I need a break, that I am not Super Woman with unlimited powers to cook, clean, and take care of kids.  I'm not proud that I had to lose my temper over something petty before I stopped to take care of myself.  But I feel like I have made some progress in that I did stop and reset.  Once I returned home I was calm, collected, and able to make dinner, supervise baths, and read bedtime stories with joy.

I know I am not the only one with this problem.  In fact, yesterday at church, I shared my experiences with a friend who had a similar one on Saturday.  

We all need a break, so I'm going to attempt to take more of them.

I saw this bird on my mini-retreat.  Her feathers look threadbare and she looked exhausted.  She reminded me of me.  (Now please don't ruin my photo and tell me it's really a male bird, because I like to believe it's a mama bird, just like me.)

Appreciating Mystery

During a rainstorm last week with no electricity, the kids and I decided it was the perfect time to go to the bookstore.  Along the way, we noticed many local businesses were closing their doors for the day because they didn't have electricity, either.  We had fun reading the store signs and speculating who had electricity and who didn't and what problems that might cause for them.  Did the employees get paid for the day?  Would the restaurant have to throw away food?  What would happen at the grocery store?  How long can they afford for the electricity to be out without having to throw away food?  Do they have generators?
I love a good mystery.
I'm not necessarily talking about books, although I do enjoy mystery books as well.  I'm talking about mysteries in daily life.  Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it also propels me to a sense of wonder and discovery about the world around me.
We live in a city full of construction.  It seems that on our daily route, a building is always being built or torn down.  Both provide endless fascination and speculation for everyone in my car.  My children and I love to sit and watch demolition crews.  We also love to look at the details of a building under construction, trying to decide what kind of building it will be.  Is it a house?  A gas station?  A restaurant?  Or, my personal favorite, a cute little boutique?
My favorite part about Christmas and all other gift-giving occasions is the mystery.  Not the gift itself, or even giving the gifts, but the mystery.  I love wrapping packages into unrecognizable shapes.  I love not knowing what is inside the packages I receive.
Our world is filled with mystery, and I love that my children share curiosity with me.  At least once a week we research something to learn more about it.  When they ask a question, I am not afraid to admit I don't know the answer.  We brainstorm together what the answer might be, and then when we get home, we Google it.  My 21st century children don't have to search through indexes of encyclopedias and then look in the appropriate volume.  Google is the source of all answers for them.
The problem with Google, though, is that many mysteries can be solved instantly with it.  For me, it's more fun to live in the speculation stage because once you know the answer, the mystery is over.
That's a huge part of what I love about faith.  I don't care how many times you Google the mysteries of faith, God, and the human spirit, you can't decode an answer to your question because no one knows it.  Life is its own greatest mystery.

(piku on sxc.hu)

Dear New Mother

It's a season of new mothers on my side of the family.  I thought of writing a long letter, but then I realized that others may want to read this, too.

Dear New Mother,

Welcome to the crazy, happy, confusing, overwhelming, never-stopping world of motherhood.  I pray that your baby is healthy and happy.  I am not Mother Superior, but there are a few things I can share with you to help your learning curve.

Whether you choose to breastfeed or not, admit to either with confidence.  There are millions of first-time mothers who choose to formula-feed their infants for various reasons.  Their kids turn out great.  There are millions of first-time mothers who choose to breastfeed their infants.  Their kids turn out great, too.

Accept that you will not get enough sleep.  Even on the rare occasion that you have an uninterrupted night's sleep, know that it won't make up for all the other nights and you will often move through your day with an exhaustion unknown to you before.

Know that you are a fabulous mom and the best one your child could ever imagine.  You will always see other mothers who have it more "together" than you.  They will be prettier or skinnier or healthier or more patient or smarter or their kids will bowl you over with awe.  Other mothers are not you, though, so don't try to be them.  Other mothers are not the mother of your child.  You are the best mom to your child, so please be proud.

Be a part of a community.

It's easy to be overwhelmed with motherhood and all the other roles you play in your life.  Your sanity, attitude, perspective on life, and overall mental health hinges on your involvement in a community.  For you, this could be your close-knit family.  For me, it's my church family and best friends.  For others it's coworkers, friends, neighbors, or other organizations they are a part of.  This is the group of people that will listen to you and let you know if you are confronting a mountain or a molehill.  This is a group of people with different problems and perspectives.  Being around them will remind them who you are and how blessed you are in your life.

Motherhood can be overwhelming and my tendency is to "bunker down" and shut myself off from the outside world while I get back in balance.  Really this is the opposite of what you should do, however.  Being in the outside world gives you balance, not the other way around.

Read to your child.  It is amazing how 15 minutes of reading a day sets a child up to be intelligent and sociable.  This action doesn't just make them excel at reading, but also in math, in paying attention, in the ability to sit still, and in caring for our possessions.  When I was a teacher I actually had to teach children to turn pages in a book without tearing it.  I had an entire lesson and chant on it.  When I became a mother I realized how sad that was because my children knew how to turn pages before their second birthday.

There will be other children who are worse than your child.  They will pitch tantrums while your child is still.  Their mothers will yell at them in public.  You will be grateful your children are yours, but don't look down on others.  Tomorrow, or the next day or the next week you might find yourself unexpectedly in the same place. 

There will be other children who are better than your child.  They will know rules of etiquette before their second birthday.  Their clothes will never have a stain.  Their mother will be the epitome of serenity.  Don't look down on yourself, either.  Just be the best mom you can be and be happy with knowing you are the best mom for your child.  Know that your child is best with you.  Who knows?  You might not enjoy having a child that's proper all the time.  Life is messy; you might as well live in the mess.

Find everything you can about the parenting classes/books/videos called "Love and Logic."  It's common sense parenting.

Take some time for yourself.  It makes you a better mom.  It doesn't have to be a lot; just a walk around the block or an hour or two having dinner with a friend.  Sitting by myself and drinking coffee is my time.  This allows you to clear your head and then focus when you return.

Welcome to motherhood both the happiest and most stressful time of your life.  

Love,

Sarah

Expecting less

Some days I feel like I should win an award for superhuman powers.  Laundry, dishes, toys on the floor, and work are all tamed.  I am on top of the laundry mountain, cheering and patting myself on the back for my multi-tasking superpowers.

Those days are few.

Most days I wake up full of hope, possibility, and expectations for the day.  Though it took him months to get his room that messy, I will teach Paul to clean his room in two hours.  I will take the kids to the zoo.  I will wash all the laundry.  I will declutter the counters.  I will squeeze every moment out of my summer "free time" and I will pay attention to the kids and be the best mom in the world.

I set my expectations way too high.  At 5:30 a.m. they all seem realistic, but by 3:00 p.m. I am headed downhill and getting desperate to finish my to-do list.  It's a mere two hours until I start dinner planning and cooking and I usually expect that I will finish my to do list by then.

This week I am catching up on my magazine reading in my "free time" and I read this article: http://www.lhj.com/health/stress/relaxation-techniques/stop-worrying-start-living/

Yesterday I decided I would stop multi-tasking so I could be less overwhelmed.  My new mantra is "I can only do one thing at a time."  I don't believe it yet; I'm still convinced I can do five things well.  I woke up this morning without a schedule, repeating that to myself.  My first "one thing" was catching up on my Bible reading.  I read First and Second Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther in about an hour.  Then I relaxed (took a nap) since the kids were still asleep (our summer schedules are wacky).  When we got up I repeated my mantra and was able to hang eight loads of laundry with the kids help in 45 minutes.  Later, we focused on finishing Paul's room and it was done in 30.  I focused on the dishes and spent 10 minutes catching them up.  It seems I can do a better job when I focus on only one thing at a time.

I am not multi-tasking.  There's still tons to do and I will never, ever catch up it seems.  But I seem to be less stressed when I do only one thing at a time.  I am not so disappointed when I expect less of myself.  In fact, when I expect less, I just might exceed expectations.

Recognizing my role

I remember a time long ago and far away when the center of my life was me.  I don't know if you know, but the earth hasn't always revolved around the sun.  It used to revolve around me.

As I get older, I realize that I am not the sun.  I am surprisingly not the center of the universe, and that's okay.

Whenever I get to thinking that I am still the sun, I'm brought back down to Earth by circumstances.  My children often unintentionally remind me that the universe doesn't revolve around me.  They are trying to be their own stars and creating a universe that revolves around them.  As they get older, they will also learn that their world isn't the only world and there are other people and events outside of their bubble.

Recognizing my role in the world, noticing where I stand, is sometimes difficult.  

Last week we visited a fabulous museum in St. Louis.  I had on tennis shoes expecting to climb just as much as the kids.  Once we arrived, I realized that wasn't going to be the case.  Climbing up tunnels made of rebar isn't comfortable, especially when you're not a size six.  At first I was kind of pouty and wanted to go request my admission fee back since I wouldn't be participating.  Then I remembered that I wasn't the only person in my group.  There were three other people who were having the time of their life.  So I could pout about my limits or I could recognize my role for the day and have fun anyway.  When the day was over, I had a hundred pictures of death-defying heights climbed, balls thrown, ramps run, slides slid, and beautiful artwork.  My job that day was to be an audience, which amplified the fun my family was having because they could all come back and say, "Did you see that?  Wasn't that awesome?"  I could nod and agree that it was awesome because I had seen it all.  If I had been climbing myself I would have missed the joy on their faces.

Everyone needs an audience, and more and more I am asked to stop what I am doing to listen or watch.  Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I recognize the importance of the fleeting moment of watching a Ninja Turtle battle and I stop what I'm doing to pay attention.  Often I am overwhelmed with the task at hand and cannot stop.  

My brain is a constant rotating to-do list and sometimes that consumes me.  I am grateful for the times that I am at work rotating through my list and someone comes and interrupts me so I can listen.  I am thankful for the times that my kids stop me from what I'm doing so I can refocus on something beyond myself.  I'm still trying to learn to be grateful for phone call interruptions.  

I know that I am important, a contributing member of the human race.  I also know now that I am not the only member and sometimes my job is to just sit and listen.

Travel Log

We're back from vacation and attempting to now achieve some normalcy.

Two weeks ago the contractors finished at our house.  All of our floors are done, we've just got a lot of work to go.  The kitchen needs one more coat of paint on the walls, two more on the cabinets, and installation of cabinet doors.  Adam needs to stretch and tack down the carpet in each bedroom doorway and then all construction will be complete until something else breaks.

Last week we escaped the stress and headed out of town.  Our first stop was in Wichita, Kansas, where we stayed at Chris and Ashley Borniger's house and played with their new baby.  She is the perfect baby; fat and happy.  I enjoyed holding, feeding, and rocking her while we were there.  We've known Chris since just before we got married and he is Claire's godfather.  Here's a picture of the kids with beautiful Miss Elena.

Our next stop was St. Louis, Missouri.  We were able to stay at a nice hotel for a mere $65/night thanks to Priceline.com.  I didn't take any photos of the hotel's exterior, so here's one I stole off their website.  It's the Double Tree at St. Louis Union Station.

Our first day in St. Louis was cold and rainy.  Instead of souvenir t-shirts, we each picked out a St. Louis souvenir hoodie.  We headed to the zoo because in Fort Worth the best days to go are the rainy days.  No crowd and the animals are excited about the rain.  Because it wasn't crowded or possibly because she is so cute, Claire was selected to help in the sea lion show.  She threw raw fish at a sea lion named Nikki and even gave her a special treat of raw squid.  We've been teasing Claire that she ate the squid instead of feeding it to the sea lion.

The next day we went to the City Museum.  Anyone that visits St. Louis must go there because it is uncommon and unparalleled.  I'm not really sure why they call it a museum because it should be called the City Playground.  Tennis shoes should be a requirement for entrance here because you will be working out all day (or watching others).  The museum is full of tunnels, caves, slides, and countless places to climb.  The kids and Adam enjoyed sliding down the 10-story slide.  I enjoyed taking pictures of it.  More than once I looked at the roof to see the kids or Adam in the air.  I get motion sickness and slides aren't that appealing to me, so I mostly watched.  I tried to climb one of the wire tunnels but my knees let me know that was not an activity I would enjoy.  Adam and the kids were unstoppable, though, and I quickly got over my worrying about their safety.  They climbed to the top of a structure on top of the building; the 11 story building.

  I included this last photo to give some perspective on some of the climbing.  This is on the very top of the 11 story building.  It's a giant dome and the kids and Adam climbed to the top of it.  I don't even want to know how many hundreds of feet they were in the air, but they loved it.  The museum was designed by an artist and it's really indescribable.  Every inch of the place is a work of art, from the mosaic tile floor to the interior caverns to the organ that plays itself.

Admission is surprisingly only $12 a person.  I don't mean to be an advertisement for this place, but it is worth it.  There are even parkour-type ramps for kids and adults to run on.  Paul was a blur most of the day.

The next day was July 4 and we celebrated by visiting the Arch.  We road a boat down the Mississippi River and and elevator up to the top of the arch.  We stayed for fireworks, along with Adam estimates 200,000 other people.  It was crazy crowded and reminded me of that summer concert we went to all those years ago at Texas Motor Speedway.  

The next day we headed back to Texas and stopped in Texarkana to see Adam's godparents.  We spent the night there and then travelled to Tyler to see Adam's side of the family and celebrate July 4th with them.  Adam and his cousin always put on a fireworks display for us there.  Here's Claire shooting a bottle rocket.

We got home at 1 a.m. Sunday morning and yesterday was a blur or exhaustion and unpacking.  Today we are getting back in the routines.  First stop is the vet to pick up the dogs.