Dear New Mother,
Welcome to the crazy, happy, confusing, overwhelming, never-stopping world of motherhood. I pray that your baby is healthy and happy. I am not Mother Superior, but there are a few things I can share with you to help your learning curve.
Whether you choose to breastfeed or not, admit to either with confidence. There are millions of first-time mothers who choose to formula-feed their infants for various reasons. Their kids turn out great. There are millions of first-time mothers who choose to breastfeed their infants. Their kids turn out great, too.
Accept that you will not get enough sleep. Even on the rare occasion that you have an uninterrupted night's sleep, know that it won't make up for all the other nights and you will often move through your day with an exhaustion unknown to you before.
Know that you are a fabulous mom and the best one your child could ever imagine. You will always see other mothers who have it more "together" than you. They will be prettier or skinnier or healthier or more patient or smarter or their kids will bowl you over with awe. Other mothers are not you, though, so don't try to be them. Other mothers are not the mother of your child. You are the best mom to your child, so please be proud.
Be a part of a community.
It's easy to be overwhelmed with motherhood and all the other roles you play in your life. Your sanity, attitude, perspective on life, and overall mental health hinges on your involvement in a community. For you, this could be your close-knit family. For me, it's my church family and best friends. For others it's coworkers, friends, neighbors, or other organizations they are a part of. This is the group of people that will listen to you and let you know if you are confronting a mountain or a molehill. This is a group of people with different problems and perspectives. Being around them will remind them who you are and how blessed you are in your life.
Motherhood can be overwhelming and my tendency is to "bunker down" and shut myself off from the outside world while I get back in balance. Really this is the opposite of what you should do, however. Being in the outside world gives you balance, not the other way around.
Read to your child. It is amazing how 15 minutes of reading a day sets a child up to be intelligent and sociable. This action doesn't just make them excel at reading, but also in math, in paying attention, in the ability to sit still, and in caring for our possessions. When I was a teacher I actually had to teach children to turn pages in a book without tearing it. I had an entire lesson and chant on it. When I became a mother I realized how sad that was because my children knew how to turn pages before their second birthday.
There will be other children who are worse than your child. They will pitch tantrums while your child is still. Their mothers will yell at them in public. You will be grateful your children are yours, but don't look down on others. Tomorrow, or the next day or the next week you might find yourself unexpectedly in the same place.
There will be other children who are better than your child. They will know rules of etiquette before their second birthday. Their clothes will never have a stain. Their mother will be the epitome of serenity. Don't look down on yourself, either. Just be the best mom you can be and be happy with knowing you are the best mom for your child. Know that your child is best with you. Who knows? You might not enjoy having a child that's proper all the time. Life is messy; you might as well live in the mess.
Find everything you can about the parenting classes/books/videos called "Love and Logic." It's common sense parenting.
Take some time for yourself. It makes you a better mom. It doesn't have to be a lot; just a walk around the block or an hour or two having dinner with a friend. Sitting by myself and drinking coffee is my time. This allows you to clear your head and then focus when you return.
Welcome to motherhood both the happiest and most stressful time of your life.
Love,
Sarah
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