Plumbing and Playing: Our summer so far

We're wrapping up the second week of summer around here.
Last week the kids had their last day of school, I worked two days, and we spent two days with our favorite plumbers.
We've had a slow draining shower, so Adam called Curly's Plumbing to snake it out. It turned out to be more than a slow drain; we had tree roots in the line.  So the plumbers jackhammered up the master bathroom floor and repaired the pipe.  This is the second time this year we've had to jackhammer up our foundation. We love these guys because they are good at what they do, but they are also so nice! They don't care if I take pictures of them every five minutes to send to Adam.  They also don't mind stopping countless times to explain to the kids what is going on.  I know when I'm working the last thing I want to do is stop to explain everything I'm doing.  But they do it!
The kids recently learned the term "plumber's butt" so they kept following the plumbers around the house to see if they had "plumber's butts." Both guys were wearing belts, though, so they were safe.

I had decided that this summer we will stay home at least one day a week. I say that every summer and then if an offer for something else comes by, we do it.  We never stay home for the entire day, so this year I mean it. It's easy to be at home, realize you need something and jump in the car and get it.  But every year that snowballs and I end up being gone the whole day instead of a few minutes. So last week with the plumbers we had to stay home, but I wandered through the house a little unsure of what I needed to do.  This week went much smoother.  The kids played the entire day and I worked on housework, taking intentional breaks.

Last weekend we travelled to Medieval Times to celebrate Paul's birthday. Luckily I was able to nab a teacher discount to make it more affordable.  The kids loved it and we even got to bring some friends.

Claire took her stuffed otter to the zoo to see a real river otter.

This week we've had a trip to the zoo and much birthday celebratoryness.  Adam and Paul's birthdays are only three days apart so that makes for a week of celebrations.  We went to Six Flags on Tuesday.

Yesterday was our stay-at-home day and it went much smoother. I worked on polishing the hard wood floors and baked Paul's birthday cake. The kids played nicely all day long. They didn't fight one time and I was amazed.

Today is Adam's birthday so we're not quite done celebrating. Even though I'm trying hard to slow down, summer is flying by!

Self-Care and Ice Cream

Recently I was talking to friend of mine who is single and childless. She was recounting an experience she had at the grocery store the night before. She witnessed a mother eating a giant ice cream cone, a parade of kids trailing behind her begging for a bite. "No!" She shouted at them. "It's my ice cream and I already gave you a bite!"
My friend was horrified at this cruelty. How could anyone buy a cone for themselves and not one for their children?
Of course I don't condone this behavior. However, I can see where the mother is coming from.
Sometimes as mothers we feel a little spent and empty. I find the same problem happens in those who are caregivers in other situations, like teachers or health care providers.  Anyone whose life focus is serving others is susceptible.  You feel like you give and give and give and so when something comes your way, whether it be an ice cream cone, a coupon, a piece of cake, or a pack of pencils, you covet it dramatically.
When I was a full-time teacher we often had cake in the lounge for various occasions.  Several teachers would visit the lounge multiple times and get more pieces of the same cake because they felt they worked hard and deserved a reward.
The problem is that the ice cream or extra cake doesn't fill the person's need for acceptance and appreciation and renewal. Many of us don't know how to care for our selves. Self-care is something I am slowly learning to do.
At the end of last summer I found myself in that place, feeling as if every moment of my day was in service to someone else. I know that's not actually true; I have a supportive husband and many friends. But I felt like I was empty and a little lost.
I had lunch with a friend and we decided that it was okay for me to take one time a week to do something for me. That permission I gave myself changed my perspective.
My Sarah events take many different forms, but I try to do something once a week for me. Sometimes it means I take a long lunch with a friend. Sometimes it means I spend some time reading a book. I have started scheduling regular coffee or dinner dates with friends. This week my event was spending an evening at our church listening and chatting with friends we've known for years. I also do a lot of journaling, prayer, and I'm more intentional about what I read.  I also write long emails to loved ones.
Giving myself permission to stop work and caring for others for even a few minutes has been freeing to me.
Currently I'm working through the book The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal and although I'm only on chapter 2, I'm finding this book resonates with my place in life right now.  (If anyone wants to read this as well, I'd be interested in discussing it with you!)
When I'm at my Sarah-event I am joyful and light. Once I get back to my real life with kids and jobs and studies, I am more willing to serve and more present. Once I've taken care of myself, I'm happy and able to share my ice cream, down to the last bite of cone.

End of the School Year Blitz

It's almost the last day of school in Fort Worth and we were honored to have both children attend Bruce Shulkey Elementary this year. We love our school for its diversity as well as the staff's love and respect for each child. The kids both have learned and grown this year and we are proud.

Claire's head is in the middle of this photo...

Yesterday was the talent show and Claire participated in a group singing of "Let It Go" from the movie Frozen. The song is full of emotion and anger but each child sang it with a light step and a smile on their face; it was pretty cute.  I saw one girl with a costume on and asked Claire why she hadn't told me she needed a costume. "Mama, a costume is a want, not a need," she said. "That's why I didn't ask." She chose a cute dress instead and received many compliments. I was surprised and humbled at her wisdom because she was absolutely right.
Paul didn't get to participate in this year's talent show, but we're already brainstorming for next year.

This week was also the awards ceremony. Each child received so many awards I can't even count. Academic acheivement in all areas.  We were proud of them, but didn't make a big deal out of it. Our children are so smart and we love them so much, but we know their abilities and I expect them to achieve academically, so we don't buy balloons or flowers.  We just hollered at them, hugged them, and told them good job. I also feel that congratulatory items are a slippery slope. If I buy balloons this year, I would feel like that wouldn't be enough next year and would have to buy bigger and bigger gifts until I had to stop at purchasing their first home before they were 18.


We recently had fun at Field Day. Paul woke up with a fever and sore throat that day, so I immediately took him to the doctor, knowing that a child in his class had strep. Luckily the doctor checked him out, tested him, and gave him the all clear. She gave us permission to take him to school tardy with the stipulation that he not kiss anyone. I don't know who was more excited when we arrived, Adam or Paul.

The girls beat the boys at tug of war in Claire's class.

Obviously Paul felt fine.

This is Paul with his "girlfriend" Emily. He informed me last week that she told him they broke up and now she is going out with Luis. "How did that make you feel?" I asked. "Great!" he said. "I told her I'm too young for a girlfriend anyway."


It's been a good year and we are grateful.

Listening and Motherhood

This morning as I walked Claire and Paul to school, Claire didn't take a breath. She was excited about the end of the school year and her stuffed penguin, which she was smuggling to school today to play with on the playground. This penguin, she said, would eat berries off the bushes at school because no fish were available.
"You know I'm part penguin," she said.
I raised my eyebrows. "Oh really?"
"Yes, I love fish like penguins, so I've got a little bit of penguin in me."
"Hmm."
Years ago, when I was a teacher, I learned about a teaching technique called "think aloud." To help a student develop their own thought processes, the teacher is supposed to speak aloud her own processes. When editing a paper, a teacher might say out loud, "This word looks different. I think I need to consult a dictionary to verify spelling on this word."  Or, "When my friend is mean to me, I feel upset. I think I will go play with another friend." This helps students with problem solving and connecting dots in their brain.
Knowing about that, I have consciously done that around my children since they were infants. I say, "I can't find a clean pair of socks. That must mean that I need to either fold the laundry or wash more. I think I'll fold this clean laundry because it's faster than washing and drying and folding a dirty load."
The results of sharing my thought processes is that Claire has become a verbal processor. She is never short on words. The hardest part of my day is 3:00 to 3:30 p.m. when both children are over-flowing with details of their day. Claire's class always arrives outside first, so she gets a head start on sharing every part of her day. Poor Paul has just started talking over her or interrupting to share what he needs to share. I think he's more of an internal processor, but it's hard to tell when he has to fight for space to speak.
I am grateful that my children find me a safe haven to share all the important and unimportant parts of their life. I try to remind myself that I am building a foundation of a relationship.  Today they talk to me about penguins and I try to listen hard and pay attention for when the real life problems arise. If I don't spend time investing in conversations about stuffed penguins, I'm afraid they won't turn to me to share stories about bullies or friends that make poor choices.
It's hard though. As an internal processor and someone who has a dialogue going on in her brain 100% of the time, I sometimes resent these interruptions into my thoughts and brainstorming. Listening all the time begins to make me weary.
To date, my hardest parenting struggles have been potty training and training myself to listen even when I have other things on my mind. Potty training, thank goodness, is far behind us, but the listening is every day.
Summer is on its way; only four more days of school. In the summer the kids will be with me almost all of the time. That means many opportunities to listen to conversations about stuffed animals and what they eat.
I am prepared to listen. I also recognize that the kids and I do get tired of our exclusive audiences with one another, so I am preparing on finding a time once a week for the kids and I to have some space apart. Lunch with a friend or coffee by myself gives me room to be a better listener later.