Whew! Gratitude to finish a Grueling Week

This week was one of the hardest of the semester. I'm so thankful that I was able to meet the challenges, mostly.

Here's what I'm grateful for today:

1. A new journal
I wanted to put this journal on my Christmas list, but it runs $55 and I wasn't sure I could justify that much money for a book that wasn't a textbook. I am excited to say that it went on sale and I got a copy for $20! Woot! It's called Sacred Ordinary Days, and it's a liturgical journal. Click here to get the same deal I did. This particular version runs with the academic calendar, which is good for me.

2. Hamster rescues
Last week Paul's hamster escaped his cage and met me for coffee. Luckily the dog wasn't up and I was able to safely return him. This week when I was up at 4:15 writing, I heard a loud crash. Claire's hamster had somehow toppled his hamster wheel and was on her bedroom floor, in his wheel. I am so grateful the hamster stayed in the wheel, because Sugar Dot went with me to investigate that noise.

The reason our hamsters live in cages. Sugar Dot was looking for a snack this week in the hamster ball. Don't worry. No hamsters or dogs were harmed.

3. Dinner out
I try to make dinner most nights, but twice this week we've had to outsource. I am so grateful that our family budget allows wiggle room on nights when I just can't make it all come together.

4. Homework completed
Last week I rejoiced at the reading and summarizing conclusion of the most boring/challenging book I've had to read. This week I read the companion to that book. 321 pages summarized in a 25-page paper. Don't ask me what it was about, because when you are asked to read that much in such a little time, the only method of survival is short-term processing and regurgitation. I'm not even positive I kept the name in my brain.

5. Unexpected three-day weekends
Because I have been totally consumed with my homework this week, I didn't have time until yesterday to confirm that the kids don't have school on Monday. Woot! I love that extra space. I'm going to fill it with...... more homework.

6. Life skills
Yesterday I had Paul sort his laundry and wash a load. He's 8 and had never done it before. He was so excited at this new skill he asked if he could do it every week. The answer is "Absolutely." We'll see how long his enthusiasm holds.

7. Eating with interesting people
More than once this week I've found myself eating next to a fascinating person. I loving hearing different people's perspectives. It always makes me think long after the conversation is over.

8. The freedom of a no.
Because I was writing a giant paper this week, I was unable to also summarize my normal 100-pages or so from a textbook in class. I just didn't have time. I asked for a 24 hour extension and was denied. The good part of that is that now I don't have to worry about trying to fit that summary into my schedule. It's over and I can move on.

9. Rain
I am so grateful that I was able to wake up and snooze for a bit to the sound of rain on our window.

10. Early mornings
Lots of students stay up late to finish their homework. My brain doesn't allow that. About 8:00, my ability to think theologically goes out the window. The good part of this is that I know that and don't even try to push it. It gives me some intentional family time. The best part of this is that I have the ability to wake up super early to get my homework done when everyone else is asleep (3:45 yesterday). It's not a pattern that works for everyone, but it allows me to focus and still have time for family.

Thank you, September!

Today's the last day of the month, meaning we've gone through just over a month of school. We've rotated between survival mode and awesomeness every day. I am so grateful.

Here's my thankful list for today:

1. I finished this behemoth! Yesterday I finished reading this entire, monstrous textbook. While it is full of good ideas, the writing was mostly over my head and frustrating. However, I read it all and am done! Woohoo! (You can all line up to borrow it now.)

2. Cooler weather
Fall and spring are my favorite seasons because they are so full of promise and hope. In fall, we hope for a respite from the heat. In spring, we hope for shorts. I love this in between time when the weather could go either way.

3. Kids and school independence
Every day it seems my kids are getting smarter and more independent. I am so grateful for that. They have great teachers at a great school  and I'm so proud of them every day.

4. Failure of embarrassment
I haven't been able to embarrass my kids yet. I've tried. Wearing birds, butterflies, and bonnets on my head hasn't worked yet. Paul just laughs and tells his friends I'm a lunatic. Claire just nods and says, "Nope. You have once again failed to embarrass me. Everyone knows my family is crazy." I've got to try harder and I'm grateful for the challenge.

5. Leftovers

6. Hilarious professors
One of my professors has been teaching at Brite Divinity School since the 1970s. That makes it all the funnier when he says things like "Will the real Jesus Christ please stand up?" He's always dropping little pop culture quotes and it always makes me laugh.

My other professor yesterdays confessed that we all love creative tension. He said, "Creative tension sounds so sexy." We all almost fell out of our chairs laughing.

7. Coffee with a hamster and not a dog
One day this week I was drinking my first cup of coffee, trying to read my behemoth of a book and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I got scared, thinking we had a rat. No, it was Paul's hamster, escaped in a jailbreak and coming to the kitchen. I am so grateful he came to me. I am so grateful the dog hadn't woken up yet. I am so grateful we were able to return him safely to his cage and latch it so that doesn't happen again.

8. Friends
For my email pen pals, for my friends at all my school situations, for my church friends, for my ministry friends, for my friends from all different corners of my life, who remind me who I am and who I have been, I am grateful.

9. Waking up skills
My brain is much sharper in the a.m. The ability to wake up early and start functioning immediately has suited me well in grad school. My writing is much better at 5 a.m. when everyone is asleep, rather than at 5 p.m. when everyone is awake and wanting to chat.

10. Kids and pets
We're up to one dog, two hamsters, and one fish around here. The kids bought the hamsters and fish with their own money, and they take care of them all by themselves! They are so proud of their pets and parenting skills, and I am, too. Also, I'm grateful that their allowance money spent on a pet didn't mean more work for me.

The Blessings of Banana Bread

This morning I dropped off two loaves of fresh banana bread to a friend from high school. Our 20 year reunion is coming up next year and I hadn't seen her since graduation. I marvel at how my life path has taken me on an unplanned route, and how grateful I am for it.
Next week I head back to class. I'm working to earn my Master of Divinity degree at Brite Divinity School in Fort Worth. Eventually I want to work as a helping pastor in the United Methodist Church and also write Bible studies.
When we had children, Adam and I set up college funds for them. Each month we contribute to them and hopefully by the time they do reach college age, we'll have enough to cover what scholarships won't. That's been part of the plan. What wasn't in the plan was my return to school. So when I did enroll in seminary, it was with the understanding that it wasn't in the budget and I'd have to come up with the funds if I wanted to go. Adam and I both learned about debt the first time we went to college and I vowed not to get a student loan.
So instead of a student loan, I apply for scholarships and bake banana bread. Before I returned to school, I was brainstorming with my friend Ardis about how I could find money for school. She suggested baking banana bread. I love to bake, so it was a natural fit.
It's my fourth semester of baking my way through graduate school. This semester, so far, I've received orders for 57 loaves. Every dollar goes straight to my TCU tuition account, and so far, I've been able to stay debt-free.
I am so grateful to each and every customer. Not only does the money pay my tuition, it is a reminder again and again that I am not going to school alone or for my benefit. I am going to school to learn to serve God and God's people.
Those four eggs, four bananas, and two sticks of butter have also helped me build relationships and reconnect with loved ones from different stages of my life. Today I got to see and hug a woman I haven't seen in almost 20 years. Banana bread is delicious, but it also is an excuse for me to see friends that I've lost contact with. New friends and old friends help me by eating banana bread. Family does, too. On my customer list are high school friends, college friends, stay-at-home mom friends, teacher friends, home church friends, and new church friends. I am grateful for each one.
When I'm in class next week, I'll be thinking and thanking God for each and every person that has supported me in my ministry path. Banana bread and loved ones have helped me arrive this far; I can't wait to see what the future bakes up.

Thank you to my support crew

Last night, right before we rushed off to the circus, I arrived home from local pastor licensing school, where I had been since Sunday night. Licensing school is just a fancy name for Methodist ministry boot camp. From 7:45 a.m. to after 10 p.m. we were immersed in knowledge and relationship building with others pursing ministry goals in the UMC. We stayed at Stillwater Lodge, a Methodist retreat center located on the Paluxy River in Glen Rose.

For me, just arriving at Licensing School was a feat. Our classes were in two separate sessions, a weekend, then six days at home and five days there. Just before I left the first time, our sweet 13 year old Yorkie, Wesley Eugene, seemed to be on his deathbed and my childcare relief was stranded at Carswell AFB with a broken down car. I rushed to the vet, left Wesley in Doggie ICU, and met up with Mama Joy, our 80 year young friend who enjoys playing with the children. Since I left in chaos, I returned to chaos, and vowed to spend my six days home cleaning and organizing for when I was gone for part II.

I left the house Sunday afternoon with a two-page, ten-point-type written list of instructions about how to survive while I was gone. I had stocked the pantry with all the kids' favorites and simple meals Claire, age 9, could cook for lunch and dinner. The plan was to have our sweet babysitter, Gabby, watch them during the day and Adam, of course, take care of things at night.

I am proud of them. They didn't watch too much TV, they learned new things, the house looks normal, and they all survived, even Wesley Eugene. (In fact, I think Wesley put on 3 lbs while I was gone, making him a chubby 7-pounder.) There was a fire in the kitchen, but the kitchen didn't catch fire. Gabby took them to church for children's activities and to the library for books. She's been babysitting for us since Paul was an infant and I am so grateful to leave the children in her loving, qualified hands.

My husband, Adam, and I have different gifts and roles in the running of the household. Mostly, he takes care of everything outside of the house and I take care of everything in the house. He takes care of bills and I take care of babies. I had never been away from home for this long, so he definitely had to move outside of his comfort zone to pick up the slack while I was gone. I am so grateful for him and his patience with me as I pursue a life path that none of us planned. I certainly couldn't successfully balance all the duties in my life without his anchor balancing me out and keeping me grounded.

Licensing school for me was a gift in itself. Stillwater Lodge is beautiful and I made friends with the manager, who constantly provided everything all of us needed. A queen bed to myself and a jacuzzi bathtub. Beautiful scenery and a small beach where I wiggled my toes in the sand. Stars. That was beautiful and I will be savoring the images for a while.

The beach

We had a grueling schedule of classes. We were on task, with breaks for meals and leg-stretching, from about 7:45 a.m. to after 10 p.m. almost every night. That sounds intimidating, but I felt like a dehydrated woman in the desert who has been offered water. I was trying to ingest everything all at once. All the people, all the scenes, all the knowledge, all at once. Summer is always difficult for me because I focus on the children all day and sometimes forget that I am intelligent and can have intelligent conversations. So I went from discussions of the latest Arthur episode to theologies of baptism. I went from being surrounded by children to being surrounded by adults who are passionate about the same issues I am passionate about.

Part of the week included preaching. I had never preached a sermon and was worried about this for weeks. I had practiced, I had fretted, I had let several people read my manuscript, but I still didn't feel confident. I had received encouraging words from several friends and even a firm, inspirational talk from one. I still dreaded it.

I am firm in my call to ministry. I know that God has equipped me with gifts that are useful for the church. I am constantly affirmed in my call when I get excited about planning worship or helping a team get organized to communicate their message to the congregation. I love working behind the scenes designing graphics, planning communications, listening to people share their story, helping others clarify and communicate. I love teaching Bible studies and leading prayers. I love writing about my faith and God and sharing it with others. In all that, though, I don't feel comfortable preaching.

Part of it is lack of training. I've never had any public speaking training and what I know about writing sermons came from this session and a crash course a friend was able to give me before I left. Of course I've listened to thousands, but as far as creating one, I am at a loss.

On my assigned time, I approached the podium, spoke about two words and then began crying. I couldn't do it. I dried my eyes and face, took a deep breath and tried again. I got about five words out and had to leave again. All of the sudden I was crying uncontrollably and couldn't even catch my breath. Anxiety and self-doubt was taking over. I did get through it the third time, but not without some tears during.

I share this because what happened during and after made it worth my public vulnerability. Two ladies from my group left with me and got me laughing with silly metaphors about Jesus. One taught me her personal meditation techniques and the other had me breathing through a coffee stir stick to steady my breath. Both of them sang hymns to me and encouraged me.

Afterward, I had several honest and open conversations about anxiety with another friend. That's a problem I've dealt with for a long time, but being honest about a problem like that with someone that hasn't experienced it isn't usually helpful. If you fall apart in public like that, though, it's a blessing in that it opens the door for others to share their story with you. I can't pretend I wasn't anxious because I was standing in front of a room displaying my anxiety. I do feel better knowing that other people have similar problems. Those conversations helped me feel better and more hopeful that I can become better equipped to deal with it when it arises suddenly.

So now I'm back home, full of  new knowledge, and empowered to face the future, whatever it holds. I am grateful for new friendships. I am grateful for everyone back at home who helped me get this far. I am grateful for everyone who continues to help push me forward. Enough theology, though. I've got to mop the floor.

First Week of School

Today was my first class of the semester at Brite Divinity School and for one of my assignments, each student was given a wooden stake with a string attached.  We were sent outside to plant our stake and observe the world around it for 20 minutes.

After class I called Adam and told him about this and his first confused reaction wasn't fit to print. I loved, it though, and shared how much fun seminary education is for me.  I came back with a list of three extensive metaphors that I observed. (ants/church, big picture vs. small picture, orienting myself in the world) I was enlightened and invigorated by this activity.

My first day of school photo.

School is back in session and we are so far, humming along nicely.  Claire is so proud of her first binder with her list of assignments and special pockets for assignments.  Paul is excited that his second best friends are in his class.  He didn't get his first best friend, but he got his two second best friends.

I returned to tutoring on Monday and walked seven miles inside the building of my elementary school. I greeted new students and escorted families to new classes. I was able to calm some nerves and share positive insider information about each teacher.  A new teacher to this building is an old friend of mine.  We taught together seven years ago, so it was fun to see her.  She's still teaching third grade, although at a new school.  I didn't get a chance to tell her all the life changes I've made in that period of time.

On Tuesday I started getting more comfortable (read: anxious and starting to worry) with some new responsibilities that have come my way.  I will now be coordinating some of the children's ministry at my church.  I'm also about to start working on video announcements.

Today was Brite. Today was seminary. I was so excited that I almost cried when I had to introduce myself. I looked at the ceiling instead.

I thought I'd have to hurry to Weatherford to make it in time for a meeting, but thankfully I was offered a break. Instead, I went to the TCU library and was able to check out two of my textbooks that I was lacking. I was gifted some free moments and saved $50 in the process.

For the return of the school rhythm, we are thankful. For the return of books and buddies, we are grateful. For newness in our lives, we are contented.  For strange assignments with sticks and dirt, I give thanks.

Five Minute Friday: Bloom

Each Friday, blogger mom Lisa Jo Baker invites writers to write on a prompt for five minutes and link up to her blog.  Since I've been out of my writing rhythm, I thought I'd contribute today.  Want to read her stuff? Click here.

Bloom

2014 has been a year of big changes for me. I entered seminary and we left our church home for my new job. I started recognizing my emotional and social needs and acting to fulfill them. I began to dream out loud and start working toward some life goals. I accepted help for tuition, childcare, and Sarah care. I can honestly say that I am happier today than I was one year ago today. I feel like I'm beginning to bloom.

I'm on the horizon of the rest of my life and I am so happy to be here. Summer is a difficult time for me emotionally. I don't have a set routine, I'm with the kids 24/7, and I feel adrift. My momentum from spring has carried over into summer, and I'm more grounded this summer than in years past.

One day a week, I schedule a stay-at-home day and we stick to it. We don't leave the house at all. This has given us all breathing space as well as time to play with ignored toys and complete some household projects. On the eve of our stay-at-home day, I remind the kids we won't be leaving the house the next day and they always cheer. I was reminded of the importance of our home when we went to Sea World this summer. Claire said, "This is my favorite place on Earth after our home!" I am so pleased that our children both recognize the home as a place of safety, comfort, and love.

I started my new job right before the end of the school year, so going to church to work or worship still has an allure of newness about it. I'm learning new tasks and the kids haven't explored every corner yet. One day a week a kind friend plays with them and another day a week I bring them to work with me.

This week I took some time to go back to Brite Divinity School to take care of housekeeping matters and remind myself that I am a student. I ordered my textbooks for the fall semester and delighted in the exciting titles, Our Search for Spirituality, African-American Spirituality, and others. I love basking in the learning environment there and surrounding myself with intelligent people of faith.  I can't wait for classes to resume in fall.

Since my entry into seminary was a suprise to everyone, even me, I didn't enter graduate school with a savings account to pay for tuition. I am baking my way through my degree, selling banana bread to raise tuition money. I am so thankful for friends that blessed me by buying a loaf of banana bread or offering a contribution. My first semester was debt-free and I am a few hundred dollars away from baking my way through a debt-free fall.  This week I've baked about 15 loaves.

Every summer I am in a frenzy to create new activities to keep us busy.  This year I've slowed down, and we have all benefitted from that. I'm not breaking my neck to rush us to an educational activity across town. I'm not rearranging our schedule to squeeze in an inconvenient trip to a local museum. This week I had planned on taking the kids to the art museum, but they both told me they'd rather stay home, so we did.  I've released my grip a bit on the schedule and life hasn't fallen into chaos. I've let many fun opportunities pass us by without regret.

The result of this throwing caution to the wind has been a happier home, blooming with life and love and smelling like banana bread. Now I'm off to bake some more.

Spring Semester Review

Last week I turned in my final for Church History II: Reformation to Modernity. If you have insomnia or are a nerd and enjoy these things, you are welcome to read my final paper. Click the link here to go to it.

My return to school as a student again was quite an adjustment for everyone in my family. Claire didn't particularly like me leaving and developed some separation anxiety. Paul got sick of eating pizza every Thursday night and has declared he doesn't like it at all. Adam had to arrange his work schedule to be home at 6:00 p.m. every Thursday so I could make it to class on time.

Most days when I was at Brite Divinity School in my class, I felt like I was at the precipice of an entirely new world. Being around people that know words I've never heard and can write about concepts I've never even thought is invigorating to my spirit. It also makes the learning curve steep for me.

I've always enjoyed learning history, but I was fascinated with incorporating theology and learning the processes and events that brought the church where it is today. The inflence of secular history on church history and vice versa was a world unexplored. I learned about Martin Luther and how some of his thoughts became part of German culture and hundreds of years later even influenced Hitler and the common person's response to him.

I learned about the abolitionist movement and how it was linked to women's suffrage and even later, women's ordination in the church. This was a big eye-opener to me because learning about the 1800s and women's prescribed "role in society" made me question and ponder my own prescribed role. What parts of my life did I chose? What parts did society chose for me? This added relevance to the issues of women's rights. The struggles of the past became real in the present.

I learned my limits and how to ask for help. I'm still not a master at this, but I am definitely more self-aware and am become more proactive about asking for help when needed. On the week of my mid-term I had job interviews, my mid-term, a full work week and a husband who was stuck at work for about 60 hours. It was difficult but when I asked for help, I immediately received it.

I learned how important Google is to a student and how many thousands of books are available online. If you're writing a paper at 4:30 a.m., the libraries are closed, but you can do a Google books search and usually find what you're looking for. Instead of the index, online books provide a keyword search feature which saved me time. I was able to access any source I desired at any time I desired, for no cost.

As part of my school, I filled out a field education form for kicks, actually listing what I want to do for a living when I'm out of seminary. I wrote "I want to be a Bible study curriculum writer." Five months later I have completed my first course toward my Master of Divinity degree and I have a new job!

I'm so glad I took the plunge and stepped forth in faith to acheive some dreams. I can't wait to see where the next year takes me!

--In the fall I'll be taking Methodist Polity and Spiritual Life and Leadership. I'll be taking two courses, with two jobs, two kids, a husband, and two dogs. I can't wait to see what the world looks like in the midst of that. I know I'll be asking for help.

Birthdays and Growing Up

Tomorrow is my birthday. Growing up, birthdays were always exciting. My mom would make me a yellow cake with rainbow chip frosting every year.  I haven't seen a can of rainbow chip frosting in years, but I can still remember the taste.  It was the taste of joy.

As I've gotten older, birthdays are just as big of a deal, but for different reasons.  When I was younger, the emphasis was the presents. Now the focus has shifted from presents, which are still exciting, to relationships and service. 

I have friends both near and far and my birthday is an excuse to connect with ones I don't get to keep up with often. Even something as simple as a Facebook greeting can be a conversation starter and a reminder to touch base with loved ones I don't see regularly.

I express my love for others through acts of service, and my birthday is a time when I stop and let others take care of me. I pause to remember that I am loved and that people are thankful for my service and presence in their lives.  It's also the time when I can get the kids motivated to help with chores all weekend long.  I have asked Paul to clean his bedroom as his gift to me.  Claire fed the dogs and everyone helped with laundry without complaint.

The past year has been one of great personal growth for me. At this time last year I had accepted that I would eventually enroll in seminary, but it was still far off in the distance and I wasn't brave enough to voice that dream to most people around me. Now I spend my free time studying and I am relishing every second in the classroom learning more about faith and church history. In the fall I'll stretch myself even more as I take two classes instead of just one.  I also know now what each class will require of me so I can prepare for the demands.

Today I am a better writer than I was last year. I know more about myself now than I did then. I've always been comfortable in my own skin, but self-discovery has led to even more self-acceptance.

My baby is in kindergarten, my daughter is blowing everyone away with her intelligence and perceptions, my husband has found he loves reading almost as much as me.

So while I'm not physically growing anymore, this past year has been one of great personal growth. I can't wait to see what my 36th year will hold.

Seminary, Work, and Being a Present Parent this week

Just so I don't forget it and so I make sure all my readers share in the hilarity...

On the first day of class I was printing off all my class materials for that night.  I mentioned to Adam that I would be discussing Martin Luther. He says, "How many theses was it that he nailed to the church door? I can't remember." Claire immediately said, "Who put their feces on a church door? Why would they do that?"

And thus was my first seminary theological discussion.  Feces vs. Theses.  

----------

I wanted to share about my day yesterday because it is becoming typical of my days now.  I am so glad that I did research on time management last semester, because all my new knowledge is being put to use!

Yesterday

4:30 a.m. Jump out of bed, turn on coffee, start the computer, work on my paper on Martin Luther and  his understanding of grace.

6:30 a.m. Just finished printing the rough draft of my paper. Make sure everyone's out of bed, start making lunches.

7:45 a.m. Get kids to the school, race home.

8:30 a.m. Send rough draft of worship bulletin announcements to all who need to edit it, race out the door to my school.

9:00 a.m. to 1:55 p.m. I tutor in groups of 5-6, about 40 kids. One child got sent back to class for standing in his chair. One child got sent back to class for punching the assignment/table. The rest act precious and love reading with me. Each child anticipates the end of group when they get a cool sticker (My Little Pony or Transformers, their choice. Yesterday one boy chose a My Little Pony, but all the girls opted not to receive a Transformers sticker.)

1:55 p.m. I RUN, RUN, RUN to my car so I can make it to TCU in time for my writing appointment.

2:10 p.m. I arrive on the TCU campus and remember I'm not the only person that attends this school and I must park four blocks away from my destination.

2:20 p.m. After running as fast as I can and speedwalking when I am weary, I arrive five minutes late to my appointment. I tell my tutor that I will be a size six by the end of the day.  She reviews my paper on Martin Luther and gives me some valuable tips on how to improve. She kindly asks me to point out my thesis statement and I realize it stayed in my head and didn't make it to the page.

2:50 p.m. More running. It must be a typical class change period, because there are TCU students everywhere, all looking skinny and beautiful.  I don't care. I have to get my precious children from school. I plow them over with my giant backpack and giant coat flapping in the wind.

2:58 p.m. Arrived in car, called the school to tell them I would be late.  Driving as carefully and as quickly as I can, I realize there are two policemen going the same way I am.  I don't speed, but in my head I'm driving the Indy 500.

3:10 p.m. Arrived late to get the kids. Have phoned a friend to tell her we would be late for play date.  The kids aren't mad; they are laughing at my description of how I was running across the TCU campus to come get them.

3:30 p.m. Have baked some cookie dough for snacks for guests. Claire has laid out a spread of healthy snacks. Scrubbed bathroom for freshness, picked up terrible messes that we don't want anyone to see. Accepted that laundry will be seen and that's okay.  Doorbell rings.

4:00 p.m. Claire has shut herself in her room with her friend and Paul and his friend are in the hallway frustrated at the secrecy of girls. Paul steps on a clothespin and pinches his foot.  He screams unceasingly for 30 minutes. I worry that something is broken because he is never upset like that.

4:20 p.m. I call Adam to tell him Paul is possible injured badly although I can't see where. I hang up with him and call the doctor's office. I leave a message with the on-call nurse.  I try to ice Paul's foot. I put a bandaid on it. I distract him while I put a sock on it.  I pretend the dog is a doctor inspecting him. I sing cheesy songs. I offer to take him to the vet. None of this stops his crying.

5:00 p.m. The on call nurse phones us. I tell her what happened and during the conversation I realize Paul is running on two feet all throughout the house.  He has been healed! 

5:10 p.m. Company leaves and I remember Adam won't be home for dinner.  I won't be cooking then. We'll get drive through food after bath time.  I put Paul in the tub and Claire begins a two-year old meltdown.  She is seven.  I shut her in her room and make an important phone call.

5:30 p.m. Claire's drama has subsided. Paul is out of tub.  Claire gets in tub.  I talk with Paul and snuggle him for a few minutes.

6:00 p.m. Both kids are clean and dressed for bed. I snuggle Claire for a few minutes. I let them pick where they want dinner.  They pick McDonald's. (Yuck!) I take them there anyway. I try to find the healthiest option for my dinner and settle on Popeye's chicken, which isn't healthy at all, but at least it's not McDonald's.

6:45 p.m. Start reading bedtime stories.  Doze off a couple of times, but successfully read about Bad Kitty and Claire's book, which I can't even remember this morning.

7:45 p.m. Kids in bed. Time to clean up the kitchen from the maddening day. Pick up as many messes as I have energy for.  Pour myself a glass of wine.

8:50 p.m. Move to the bedroom with my same glass of wine to read.  Adam is still at his engineering event.  I read and try to stay awake as long as I can.

9:15 p.m. I believe I was snoring at this point and Adam arrived home.  We'll get to talk in the morning.

And today I start the cycle over, but instead of tutoring I have church work and instead of an appointment at the Writing Center I have class.  Hopefully today won't contain a mortal injury from a clothespin.

Day One of the Rest of My Life

Yesterday was my first day of orientation at Brite Divinity School.  I have enrolled in the Master of Divinity program.
My enthusiasm for entering this phase in my life is a little bit intimidating to those who don't know me,

so I try to keep half of it to myself and share the other half. I'm also about to Google synonyms for the word excited so I can stop saying, "I'm excited!"

My entry into seminary has been a community effort. Friends encouraged me to explore the idea. Friends helped me with my application by writing letters and proofing my essays. Friends bought banana bread from me to help me pay for my tuition. Friends contributed privately to help.
So when I am standing at Brite Divinity School, it's not just me standing there. I'm being pushed forward and lifted up by loved ones. I know I'm in exactly the right place and I know I'm not alone.
When I met with my adviser, he informed me that the class I wanted had only one opening left. "Go, Sarah!" he told me as he waved me out of his office.
When I got to the computer I needed to register on, another community was quickly formed to help me register. I had left my password at home, I had never used the system before, and I had no less than five people helping me. One helped me reset my password. One helped me find the course number and navigate through the screens. One helped me with my student ID number, also left at home. Others looked on and offered tips. After all that, I was too late. The opening in the class was filled.
Back to my adviser, I selected a new course. The team rallied again to register me and then we realized I didn't have the prerequisites to take that course.  We recruited another team member to find another course for me.
Finally, we enrolled me in History of Christianity II, Reformation and Modern.  It meets on Thursday nights at 6:45 p.m. The professor is a published author. This is the perfect class for me and it fits into my schedule without turning the world upside down.
I'm only taking one class this semester so I can get my feet wet and not turn the world completely upside down. I want to ease back into scholarship and learn how it fits in my schedule.
I wanted to provide an update for all of you who have supported me thus far. Thank you. I am humbled and grateful beyond words. You helped me pay for my books and tuition for my first semester of seminary. Thank you.
More than financial aid, though, I would like to thank you for the encouragement and support as I enter this new phase of my life. When I feel overwhelmed, all I have to do is picture the faces of everyone who has gotten me here and I am renewed and encouraged to go forward. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Exciting Excitement from Exciteland

Last week I was accepted to Brite Divinity School. I hope to enter in January. I'm very, very, very excited about seminary and learning, being around people, and becoming a professional Jesus-lover.

I'm also very excited about the Be the Change book. My friend Rev. Jason Valendy blogs regularly and decided to compile some of his best work into a book format. I had the privilege of communicating with him along the way to watch his process and help him edit his work. A couple of weeks after he started, he now has an epub book!  It is available for all platforms free, at the link here. I like Jason's writing because it challenges me to look at the intersection between scripture and the world in a different light. He co-pastors Saginaw UMC with his wife, Estee.

Once I got my acceptance letter to seminary, I had a conversation with Adam where we realized I need to raise about $1,000 to pay for my first semester's tuition. I anticipate having more scholarships in the fall, but if I want to attend this spring (I do) I need to raise some funds.

So I figured, why not write a book myself?  I had never thought I could do it so soon.  I did some research and it turns out that I have all the software I need and almost enough material.  So that's what I'm doing. I'm writing a book! I'm going to sell it for $1 or $2 to raise money for tuition.

My book is tentatively titled "Goofiness and Grace."

I'm very excited about having a "necessity is the motherhood of invention" drive to create my first published work. Stay tuned for details!

How I got here and where I'm headed

Growing up, my sister and I often chose occupations to role play.  I distinctly remember being a teacher and a fashion designer for two.  When I grew up I was going to be a comedienne.  No, I was going to be a
fashion designer because I was really into fashion.  My sister and I had a few scraps of fabric that we re-purposed over and over as a dress, a skirt, a veil, a hair tie, and on and on.  Plus, I had the super-awesome fashion designer play kit where you create a fashion with plastic plates and then place a piece of paper on top and rub the design onto the page with a crayon.
Early on I discovered writing and that I had a knack for it. Some stories I wrote in elementary school won a few campus awards.  So in middle school I was an honors student, and honors English was my favorite.  My teacher, Mrs. Bell, encouraged us to write, and write, and write. I had already been toting around a diary with a half-broken lock, but now I started writing in a journal.  Mrs. Bell also started a school newspaper, and I was a reporter.

www.sxu.hu

In high school, I took journalism class for all four years. My teacher Miss Hale taught me everything from how to write a lead to how to lay out a newsletter. We were just converting from taping down a layout to designing it on the computer. I loved journalism so much I remember staying up at school voluntarily until 11 p.m.  The night custodian, Lewis, was a special friend of mine.
In college, I continued on the journalism track. I was a reporter and editor for the Tarrant County Junior College paper.  With my associate's degree in hand, my best friend Adam and I transferred to the University of Texas at Arlington and I continued my journalism major and found my home in the student publications office.  Adam majored in engineering and we stayed best friends; enjoying the world through our vastly different viewpoints and weird senses of humor.  Then our relationship shifted and the week after we graduated college, we got married.
Just as we were approaching college graduation, the newspaper industry halted. Even though I  had contacts who would gladly hire me at several of the local papers, no one could. I was working part time at Half Price Books then, and I loved it. So I stayed there for a while until Adam encouraged me to do something with that degree I had earned. I ended up going back to school for an emergency teacher certification.
Then I taught first grade for six years.  When I was pregnant with Paul, I realized that I didn't want to be a teacher while my children grew up, and Adam and I decided I could be a stay-at-home mom.
Two years into being a stay-at-home mom, I started looking at part-time jobs to help make ends meet.  Nothing was fitting; I couldn't get an interview.  I also couldn't figure out what I would do with the children when I worked.  Adam came home from a church meeting one night and said that the church had to eliminate the communications position and they didn't have anyone to do a church newsletter anymore.  Immediately I knew that was the job for me.  A deal was brokered where I would be paid the exact amount I was seeking to pay bills and my children could attend the church preschool for free.
When Claire went into first grade, Paul started attending preschool full-time and I started working as a literacy tutor on my days off.  I love tutoring because it's pure teaching.  I have a several small groups who listen intently to what I say and work hard.  If anyone starts slacking or not paying attention, I send them back to their homeroom.  Tutoring two days a week let me know, though, that I don't want to be a full-time teacher any more.
Now Paul is in kindergarten and I've been restless.  I'm still working two jobs, which suits me well. I spend alternating Fridays with my grandfather at his retirement home.  Adam and I are finished birthing babies, so I'm looking forward to the next phase of my life.
I seriously considered getting a masters degree in library science and becoming a librarian. I did research and contacted various schools and districts about it.  It just didn't feel right, though, and the more I thought and prayed about it, the less appealing it seemed.
What I love, what makes me feel like a better person, what fills me up, what gives me something to think about for days on end, is talking to people about the intersection between faith and real life. I joyfully recognize God's presence and the power of love in common situations. I love listening to people tell me about their day; and what they struggle with.  I love reading the Bible and making sense of it.  I love recognizing all the ways that God is involved in my life and how people can complete everyday tasks with a sense of doing something holy.  I love seeking people out to encourage them and building relationships.  I love the power of story and the parallels between modern life and the struggles Bible people had.
So where do I go from here?
I've been doing a lot of research, praying, and consulting people in different jobs.  I've been weighing my options. I've discovered a couple of jobs that I didn't even know existed.  After a hard struggle, I decided that I want to go to seminary.  Last week I toured Brite Divinity School on the TCU Campus and I felt like I was at home.  Now I'm starting to work on my application to enter into a program to earn a Masters of Divinity degree.  I'm not sure what I'll do with that yet; the world may look different when I graduate.  I could be a communications specialist in the United Methodist Church.  I could be a pastor.  I could be a writer.  My job could be to write about the intersection of faith and the real world.
Of course I'm a long way from being accepted into the program; the application is no small thing, but at least I know what direction I'm headed. I smile when I think back on all the roads I've traveled to get to where I am and how they all have helped develop me into the person I am today.  I gratefully step forward into this new phase of my life filled with hope and excitement.

I'm not in Kansas any more

Last week I had the opportunity to attend the Church of the Resurrection Leadership Institute in Leawood, Kansas.  The Church of the Resurrection is possibly the most famoust United Methodist Church by itself for its 18,000 members, but also for their phenomenal, well-known pastor and author, Adam Hamilton.

I went with five other ladies from my church.  We all attended our own workshops and took notes to report back.  My workshops centered around church communications. Besides reading books and blogs about church communications, this was my first time to attend an education class specific to the church.

One day I was gulping my coffee the group had to leave me behind while they went into the sanctuary for morning worship. I realized I was the only person in the booth area, so I decided to go ahead an peruse while the crowd was inside.  I went to the United Methodist Communications booth, which usually was surround by people.  There the representative opened with, "I have a heart for communications in the United Methodist Church. How do you feel?"  We became fast friends and shared stories. 

I learned so much and enjoyed my time away so much.  I am so grateful for the experience.  I am also extremely grateful to Adam, who took care of the kids without me for three days, and our friend Ashley who picked them up from school every day.

Special thanks to Adam who even had to take care of a sick kid and clean up illness.

Here's a photo of me and my new friend Neeley.  I'm so happy that my eyes aren't even open!