First Week of School Thanks

Yesterday the family wrapped up the first week of school. Claire is now officially a fourth grader, Paul is a second grader, and I am back at Brite Divinity School working on my Master of Divinity degree. Adam is still Adam with his awesome engineering skills.

Here's a few pieces of grattitude from this week:
1. Ease of transition
We bought all our textbooks, school supplies and uniforms weeks ago. Switching from summer mode to school mode happened with no drama and no hardships. We were in summer and now we are in school and it went seamlessly. I am so grateful that we made the transition so smoothly.

In case you missed it, here's my first day of school picture.

2. Summer memories
This summer was possibly the best summer of my life. We had a wonderful, beautiful vacation to California that included an extensive road trip. We swam in the pool. We reconnected with friends. We relaxed. I read two to three books a week that had nothing to do with theology. I took my kids to work with me and the church and the kids were fine.

3. Wesley Eugene
A couple of weeks ago, our vet told us to prepare for the impending death of our Yorkshire Terrier, Wesley Eugene. He was very ill and if he didn't make a dramatic turnaround, we would need to put him to sleep. Adam and I had a hard conversation and I had many tears. Wesley is 13. He was our first answer to baby fever and he's been with us for almost all of our marriage. We made the decision to call the vet the next day and make an appointment to let him go. That same night, he decided to let us know he wasn't done living. He ate everything I put in front of him. Since then, he has steadily been getting back to his old self. The other night he woke me up barking at a helicopter flying. While I wasn't happy to be awake at 1 a.m., I was happy that he was feeling well enough to defend our territory against the threats of flying machines. He's a good dog and I am grateful for his life, however long that will be.

4. Banana bread
I'm not done delivering it yet, but I was able to make another tuition payment with banana bread funds. Thank you to all who eat and support my call to ministry! It looks like I will be debt free for another semester! (Those of you who haven't received your bread yet, it's coming. I promise.)

5. Good conversations
During summer, I am simply starved for adult conversation. I am so grateful that Adam and our budget allow me to only work one part-time job in the summer. I love being around my children and listening to the desires of their hearts and experiencing the world through  their eyes. However, by the end of summer, I am simply starved for adult interaction and want to talk about anything other than PBS shows or Magic Treehouse books. I have been so grateful this week to be around people with which I simply fall into good conversation.

6. New classes
This semester I am taking Theology I and Methodist History and Doctrine. Several people have said to me, "That sounds exciting." I always respond with, "It is SO exciting! I can't wait!" It took about five of these exchanges for me to realize that my friends were being sarcastic and not everyone is as enthusiastic as I am about learning in seminary. That's okay. I am grateful to be there because it is the right place for me. I'm excited regardless.

7. My two jobs
I love working at church. I love my coworkers and I have been constantly learning about ministry. I am so grateful to be serving where I am because it is the perfect place for me to grow. However, when I set foot back in the school building where I work as a tutor, I knew it was the place for me, too. It was good to be back at school to see the kids, to share my name, "Mrs. Awesome", and to listen and laugh with the teachers and administration. I love having a place where I show up, say, "I'm here to help," and do a wide variety of tasks from tutoring to moving boxes to labeling file folders.

8. My secret weapon for ordination and world domination
Since Paul was an infant, we've had a special babysitter. As the kids have gotten older and my responsibilities outside the house have grown, I have been so grateful to Gabby Rosas for being able to pick up the slack to care for the children when I am in class or in meetings. I am so grateful that when the children are in her loving hands, I never have to worry at all. She's smart, capable, and she loves them. I couldn't ask for more.

9. Jansport
Recently my backpack from high school started getting worn out. I know I look 22, but actually, my 20 year high school reunion will be next year. That means my blue Jansport backpack has been with me through high school, college, and children. It's also lifetime guaranteed. I sent it back to the Jansport warranty department and they fixed it and sent it back for free. I did splurge and buy a new one this year, but I'll be using the same Jansport backpacks until I'm in the nursing home.

10. Adam
I am so grateful for my consistent and consistently flexible, husband. He works hard and doesn't get upset when situations arise like my locking my keys in the house or all of us in the kitchen at the same time while he's tying to iron his work clothes. His brain and worldview are 180 degrees different than mine, but it almost always makes us better together. I'm so right-brained, I really value his left-brained nature.

Now onto homework, for which I am also grateful!

Thank you to my support crew

Last night, right before we rushed off to the circus, I arrived home from local pastor licensing school, where I had been since Sunday night. Licensing school is just a fancy name for Methodist ministry boot camp. From 7:45 a.m. to after 10 p.m. we were immersed in knowledge and relationship building with others pursing ministry goals in the UMC. We stayed at Stillwater Lodge, a Methodist retreat center located on the Paluxy River in Glen Rose.

For me, just arriving at Licensing School was a feat. Our classes were in two separate sessions, a weekend, then six days at home and five days there. Just before I left the first time, our sweet 13 year old Yorkie, Wesley Eugene, seemed to be on his deathbed and my childcare relief was stranded at Carswell AFB with a broken down car. I rushed to the vet, left Wesley in Doggie ICU, and met up with Mama Joy, our 80 year young friend who enjoys playing with the children. Since I left in chaos, I returned to chaos, and vowed to spend my six days home cleaning and organizing for when I was gone for part II.

I left the house Sunday afternoon with a two-page, ten-point-type written list of instructions about how to survive while I was gone. I had stocked the pantry with all the kids' favorites and simple meals Claire, age 9, could cook for lunch and dinner. The plan was to have our sweet babysitter, Gabby, watch them during the day and Adam, of course, take care of things at night.

I am proud of them. They didn't watch too much TV, they learned new things, the house looks normal, and they all survived, even Wesley Eugene. (In fact, I think Wesley put on 3 lbs while I was gone, making him a chubby 7-pounder.) There was a fire in the kitchen, but the kitchen didn't catch fire. Gabby took them to church for children's activities and to the library for books. She's been babysitting for us since Paul was an infant and I am so grateful to leave the children in her loving, qualified hands.

My husband, Adam, and I have different gifts and roles in the running of the household. Mostly, he takes care of everything outside of the house and I take care of everything in the house. He takes care of bills and I take care of babies. I had never been away from home for this long, so he definitely had to move outside of his comfort zone to pick up the slack while I was gone. I am so grateful for him and his patience with me as I pursue a life path that none of us planned. I certainly couldn't successfully balance all the duties in my life without his anchor balancing me out and keeping me grounded.

Licensing school for me was a gift in itself. Stillwater Lodge is beautiful and I made friends with the manager, who constantly provided everything all of us needed. A queen bed to myself and a jacuzzi bathtub. Beautiful scenery and a small beach where I wiggled my toes in the sand. Stars. That was beautiful and I will be savoring the images for a while.

The beach

We had a grueling schedule of classes. We were on task, with breaks for meals and leg-stretching, from about 7:45 a.m. to after 10 p.m. almost every night. That sounds intimidating, but I felt like a dehydrated woman in the desert who has been offered water. I was trying to ingest everything all at once. All the people, all the scenes, all the knowledge, all at once. Summer is always difficult for me because I focus on the children all day and sometimes forget that I am intelligent and can have intelligent conversations. So I went from discussions of the latest Arthur episode to theologies of baptism. I went from being surrounded by children to being surrounded by adults who are passionate about the same issues I am passionate about.

Part of the week included preaching. I had never preached a sermon and was worried about this for weeks. I had practiced, I had fretted, I had let several people read my manuscript, but I still didn't feel confident. I had received encouraging words from several friends and even a firm, inspirational talk from one. I still dreaded it.

I am firm in my call to ministry. I know that God has equipped me with gifts that are useful for the church. I am constantly affirmed in my call when I get excited about planning worship or helping a team get organized to communicate their message to the congregation. I love working behind the scenes designing graphics, planning communications, listening to people share their story, helping others clarify and communicate. I love teaching Bible studies and leading prayers. I love writing about my faith and God and sharing it with others. In all that, though, I don't feel comfortable preaching.

Part of it is lack of training. I've never had any public speaking training and what I know about writing sermons came from this session and a crash course a friend was able to give me before I left. Of course I've listened to thousands, but as far as creating one, I am at a loss.

On my assigned time, I approached the podium, spoke about two words and then began crying. I couldn't do it. I dried my eyes and face, took a deep breath and tried again. I got about five words out and had to leave again. All of the sudden I was crying uncontrollably and couldn't even catch my breath. Anxiety and self-doubt was taking over. I did get through it the third time, but not without some tears during.

I share this because what happened during and after made it worth my public vulnerability. Two ladies from my group left with me and got me laughing with silly metaphors about Jesus. One taught me her personal meditation techniques and the other had me breathing through a coffee stir stick to steady my breath. Both of them sang hymns to me and encouraged me.

Afterward, I had several honest and open conversations about anxiety with another friend. That's a problem I've dealt with for a long time, but being honest about a problem like that with someone that hasn't experienced it isn't usually helpful. If you fall apart in public like that, though, it's a blessing in that it opens the door for others to share their story with you. I can't pretend I wasn't anxious because I was standing in front of a room displaying my anxiety. I do feel better knowing that other people have similar problems. Those conversations helped me feel better and more hopeful that I can become better equipped to deal with it when it arises suddenly.

So now I'm back home, full of  new knowledge, and empowered to face the future, whatever it holds. I am grateful for new friendships. I am grateful for everyone back at home who helped me get this far. I am grateful for everyone who continues to help push me forward. Enough theology, though. I've got to mop the floor.

First Week of School

Today was my first class of the semester at Brite Divinity School and for one of my assignments, each student was given a wooden stake with a string attached.  We were sent outside to plant our stake and observe the world around it for 20 minutes.

After class I called Adam and told him about this and his first confused reaction wasn't fit to print. I loved, it though, and shared how much fun seminary education is for me.  I came back with a list of three extensive metaphors that I observed. (ants/church, big picture vs. small picture, orienting myself in the world) I was enlightened and invigorated by this activity.

My first day of school photo.

School is back in session and we are so far, humming along nicely.  Claire is so proud of her first binder with her list of assignments and special pockets for assignments.  Paul is excited that his second best friends are in his class.  He didn't get his first best friend, but he got his two second best friends.

I returned to tutoring on Monday and walked seven miles inside the building of my elementary school. I greeted new students and escorted families to new classes. I was able to calm some nerves and share positive insider information about each teacher.  A new teacher to this building is an old friend of mine.  We taught together seven years ago, so it was fun to see her.  She's still teaching third grade, although at a new school.  I didn't get a chance to tell her all the life changes I've made in that period of time.

On Tuesday I started getting more comfortable (read: anxious and starting to worry) with some new responsibilities that have come my way.  I will now be coordinating some of the children's ministry at my church.  I'm also about to start working on video announcements.

Today was Brite. Today was seminary. I was so excited that I almost cried when I had to introduce myself. I looked at the ceiling instead.

I thought I'd have to hurry to Weatherford to make it in time for a meeting, but thankfully I was offered a break. Instead, I went to the TCU library and was able to check out two of my textbooks that I was lacking. I was gifted some free moments and saved $50 in the process.

For the return of the school rhythm, we are thankful. For the return of books and buddies, we are grateful. For newness in our lives, we are contented.  For strange assignments with sticks and dirt, I give thanks.

Day One of the Rest of My Life

Yesterday was my first day of orientation at Brite Divinity School.  I have enrolled in the Master of Divinity program.
My enthusiasm for entering this phase in my life is a little bit intimidating to those who don't know me,

so I try to keep half of it to myself and share the other half. I'm also about to Google synonyms for the word excited so I can stop saying, "I'm excited!"

My entry into seminary has been a community effort. Friends encouraged me to explore the idea. Friends helped me with my application by writing letters and proofing my essays. Friends bought banana bread from me to help me pay for my tuition. Friends contributed privately to help.
So when I am standing at Brite Divinity School, it's not just me standing there. I'm being pushed forward and lifted up by loved ones. I know I'm in exactly the right place and I know I'm not alone.
When I met with my adviser, he informed me that the class I wanted had only one opening left. "Go, Sarah!" he told me as he waved me out of his office.
When I got to the computer I needed to register on, another community was quickly formed to help me register. I had left my password at home, I had never used the system before, and I had no less than five people helping me. One helped me reset my password. One helped me find the course number and navigate through the screens. One helped me with my student ID number, also left at home. Others looked on and offered tips. After all that, I was too late. The opening in the class was filled.
Back to my adviser, I selected a new course. The team rallied again to register me and then we realized I didn't have the prerequisites to take that course.  We recruited another team member to find another course for me.
Finally, we enrolled me in History of Christianity II, Reformation and Modern.  It meets on Thursday nights at 6:45 p.m. The professor is a published author. This is the perfect class for me and it fits into my schedule without turning the world upside down.
I'm only taking one class this semester so I can get my feet wet and not turn the world completely upside down. I want to ease back into scholarship and learn how it fits in my schedule.
I wanted to provide an update for all of you who have supported me thus far. Thank you. I am humbled and grateful beyond words. You helped me pay for my books and tuition for my first semester of seminary. Thank you.
More than financial aid, though, I would like to thank you for the encouragement and support as I enter this new phase of my life. When I feel overwhelmed, all I have to do is picture the faces of everyone who has gotten me here and I am renewed and encouraged to go forward. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.