Clearing the clutter of my brain

I haven't written in a few days because my brain was just too cluttered.  This weekend we had a child who rotated between definitely ill to healthy as a horse.  Our air-conditioner went out; the capacitor broke.  Adam ripped out cabinets, new ones were delivered.  It was Mother's Day.  Then it was back to school and work and doing laundry and cooking and cleaning a bit at a time and drinking coffee.

On Monday I left chaos at home to go hang paper on walls again for testing at school.  I tried to use that as a time of spiritual reflection, but it's hard clear your mind and pray when you're fighting a stapler and a tape gun and the butcher paper keeps wrinkling.  Fortunately I completed my task early, so I was able to have an hour before Paul got out of school.  I spent that hour talking and starting to brainstorm for summer programs for church.

Monday night I had Bible study, which I love, and which I have decided is worth the effort to attend.  Everything has to be set in motion as soon as I pick up Claire in order for me to get out of the house.  We were doing well, but Adam got held up at work so I had to take the kids with me.  I decided it was okay for them to have McDonald's.  They don't have it very often, and really, what harm could one meal be?  So although I had a home-cooked meal planned and in the works, I allowed myself to drive through McDonald's for the kids.

Tuesday started just as frantic.  The dog keeps waking me up at 3:30 a.m. to go outside and I struggle to fall back asleep.  I refuse to get up that early.  So when I do get up, it's a little later than normal, but that's okay. Lunches are packed with food I dig out of boxes since half of the kitchen is packed up.  Claire got to school on time, but Paul wanted to spend a long time looking for a toy that starts with Z.  The closest we could find was Adam's He-Man toy named Buzz-Off.  Paul was kind of embarrassed it didn't start with Z, so even though he made a good show of going to take it, it stayed in the car.  Poor Adam was late to work because he stayed to help us search for a Zebra or something representing a Zoo.

Luckily my Tuesday meeting was short so I was able to sit in my office by myself for several hours yesterday, working, and I feel so much better.  I was able to put all the brainstorming ideas that have been floating in my head down on paper and create several informational flyers and announcement sheets.  I was also able to sit in quiet by myself.

Tomorrow morning our Home Depot pals will be here at the house to install our cabinets and life will slowly, slowly start making it way back to normal.

Here's what I've learned about myself when I'm this busy:

1.  I am discombobulated and have a hard time thinking in a straight line.
2.  I start forgetting important things.  Yesterday I thought I put my bag on my shoulder, but it's still sitting on my desk.
3.  I talk too much when I'm busy like this.  It's like my brain is too crowded and I have to get some words out.  I interrupt more and listen less.
4.  I'm crankier.
5.  When I'm this busy and distracted, I have almost zero tolerance for anything that's not on my to-do list.

It's not ideal, but it's where I'm standing right now.  This post isn't going to win any writing awards, but I am doing what I'm supposed to.  "Put your butt in the chair and write because you only have today."  Thank you, Anne Lamott.  I am also giving myself permission to not be perfect at writing or at life.