Crisis in the Boyette Casa

Claire is at the age where she is starting to like Barbie. She has received several Barbies for gifts, but I confiscate all small accessories. Paul puts everything that will fit into his mouth, and I know Claire is not old enough to determine whether or not he might choke on something.

She's been playing with the Barbies themselves since around Christmas. She likes to take off their clothes and call them Naked Barbie. Her interest has piqued, so I allowed her to have one pair of Barbie shoes. When I gave them to her, I talked to her about Paul and how she must always put her Barbie shoes back into her Barbie bucket because he will get them and put them in his mouth and choke on them. Every time she gets out her Barbies I remind her about Paul. It's become so repetitive that she actually can complete my sentence. "...because he will choke on them and get hurt."

Yesterday I was having computer issues. I was frustrated and decided to take a break. I put Paul in his swing so he could take a nap while I took a shower. I always do this for his own protection. Claire can't get into the swing or sit on him when he is in the swing. As I was headed to the shower, I noticed that Claire's Barbie shoes were on the counter next to the swing. They weren't on the floor, so I didn't say anything about it.

I heard Paul crying the entire time I was showering. He hadn't wanted to take a nap, so I thought he was upset I put him in the swing. I heard him coughing, but sometimes he does that when he's real upset. After I got dressed, I went to pick him up and comfort him and that's when I saw it.

One small gold Barbie high heel on the tray of his swing. The other high heel was nowhere to be found. I asked Claire where the other one was and she started apologizing and ran out of the room.

She fed it to him.

I was so mad at her I made her stay in her room for an hour and a half until I calmed down. I know kids like to experiment and put things in their mouth, and if I hadn't specifically, repeatedly, explained the dangers of Barbie shoes to her, I wouldn't have been as upset. She did it on purpose. I was flabbergasted that a near-three year old would be so defiant. It is fascinating to me to watch her moral compass develop. I wasn't fascinated yesterday, though. I was so mad I didn't know what to do.

Paul was not choking. He was breathing fine. He was happy. I stuck my finger down his throat and found no obstructions. I called Adam and he recommended I call the doctor. Then he asked my advice on what part to buy from the junkyard. For any man reading this, please know that when your wife calls with an emergency crisis, it is not the time to talk to her about something at the junkyard. That just adds to her anxiety and frustration.

I called the doctor and she told me to feed him a piece of bread. Everything's fine now. Claire's out of time-out. She lost her Barbie privileges for a week, at least. Adam apologized and made his own decision about the junkyard. I took a deep breath and am trying to take a CSI approach to checking poo for Barbie shoes.

Yin/Yang

I believe in the yin and yang. Or is it ying/yang? Or you could call it karma, or you could call it divine intervention, or you could call it God putting me in my place now and then.

Claire spilled milk the other day and I lost it. I am so tired to cleaning up messes! Do not eat off my floor, because no matter how often I mop it, it's dirty. Of course I clean up after every spill, but there are so many! Cheerios, smooshed strawberries, spilled milk, urine, dog food and water....It's all over my floor. The other day I hadn't finished my essential cup of coffee before Claire spilled my giant glass of Carnation Instant Breakfast. She just stood there looking at it. I was furious. I know spills are a part of life, but get a towel and start cleaning it up! Come on! I threw her a towel and yelled, making her mop up her mess. Of course I felt terrible immediately afterward, but that wasn't all.

At lunch that day, yours truly spilled her own giant glass of water. I was definitely put in my place.

I took Claire and Paul to the zoo this week, and Claire asked for the leash. I obliged. Then I realized, "Hey stupid, maybe it's not all about you! Maybe it's a security thing for her, too! Maybe she doesn't want to get lost!" I immediately sucked it up and lost my embarrassment. I was doing all that whining about the stupid leash but forgot to look past my own pathetic nose.

Sunday I taught a class at church. We were discussing the book UnChristian and our own conceptions of other Christians. Many in the group had bad experiences at different churches and were complaining about them (me included.) Then one guy said, "Look here on the survey. One of the top perceptions of Christianity is that we are judgmental. We just proved that." Oops.

And lastly, last night we were out of milk, so I stopped in Albertson's after Girls' Night Out. I grabbed milk and a bottle of wine. I called Adam and offered to buy him a particular beer. He declined. The beer cost $8.99/6-pack, so I was kind of glad he said no. I would have bought it if he wanted it, but didn't really want to buy beer that high. Now my cheap wine was also $8.99, but of course that was different....Blah blah.

At the register, the people in front of me were upset. Their foodstamps card had just been declined. They were buying bread, bagels, cream cheese and a couple of other items. Their bill was $8.90 and they couldn't afford it. Of course I offered and bought their groceries for them. So there I was, whining in my head about the price of beer, not thinking twice about buying wine for the same price, and there was a family that couldn't afford actual food for the same price. The cashier told me after they left that the lady was pregnant and they were on the way to the hospital to visit her mother, who was in the last stages of cancer and dying.

I am not a humble person, but I am often humbled by experiences like this.

Claire in the Sr. Pastor's chair

Small Miracles and Grace

Long ago, before I joined the Methodist church, I understood grace to be poise and put-togetherness. Audrey Hepburn, but not Sarah....No, I've never had that kind of grace.

Now I have a different understanding of the word. Getting something you don't deserve; that's grace. I am constantly the recipient of that kind of grace. Just this last week has been full of grace. Here are three small miracles that have happened here at our house:

1. We have a vinyl-lined pool that desparately needed a new liner. We've been worried about replacing it since the original quote we got on it was almost $4,000. We just had a guy do it for half of that. We're budgeting every dollar since I quit working last year, so that was a small miracle the money we'd been saving for that was more than enough.

2. Our computer died. Adam can get it to work for 10 or 15 minutes at a time by doing something to a battery inside, but that's about all. It's about to be dead forever. After replacing the pool liner, we really don't have money for a new computer. I was telling my friend Alli this and she said that her husband was about to sell a good laptop for $100. I jumped at the opportunity. The laptop works great and is actually an upgrade from the dead computer!

3. Every year, since we've been married, we've owed money on our taxes. We feared this year would be our biggest year yet because we received gas lease money in the fall and would have to pay taxes on that. Adam did our taxes yesterday and we actually get $200 back! Now that's a miracle!

Audrey Hepburn be damned. My life is full of grace! (and gratitude)

Mommy Madness

Dear North Texas Chevy Dealers,

I recently applied for the Mommy Madness DFW Chevy Traverse Sweepstakes. I think I am a good choice for this sweepstakes for a number of reasons including my station in life, my writing ability, and my current vehicle choice. I was limited to 50 words in my application on your website, so I am now using my blog as my campaign platform.

I am a full-time mother of two active children. Claire is almost three, and Paul is nine months. They enjoy fighting and chasing each other, Claire running and Paul crawling as fast as he can. I was a first grade teacher for six years and quit when I gave birth to Paul. I still keep in contact with my teacher friends and have made several new "mom" friends. I am very active in my church and regularly visit several elderly people. I am titled a "stay-at-home" mom, but it is a rare day that we actually stay-at-home. If I win, I will make sure your vehicle is covered in advertisements and that they are displayed all over the metroplex.

Writing is one of my gifts. I have a journalism degree, but never was able to use it. Winning the Mommy Madness contest would give me a chance to use all those unused skills. I often think my life consists entirely of chauffering and poop, so this would be a great opportunity for me to expand my horizons and remind me that I am more than a diaper genie.

I drive a VW Jetta. I owned three Ford Escorts, back to back before I switched to Volkswagon. I have been happy with my vehicle, but have never driven a Chevy. (I never liked the Fords, but that was all I could afford in college.) I'm interested to learn about the Chevy experience, but more than that, I'm interested in driving an SUV. I have always driven a small car and frankly, am intimidated by SUVs. This would be a great opportunity for me to test out my SUV driving skills and see if I could actually handle it. I am also interested to see how my children's behavior would change in a larger car. Right now they fight constantly in the car. I never realized a baby could put up a fight, but my Paul holds his own against his sister.

All of these are reasons why I would be a perfect candidate to win your contest and drive the Chevy Traverse. I hope you agree.

Sincerely,

Sarah Boyette

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Claire's dressup

Chimpanzees

For my birthday, the family got a zoo membership. Claire, Paul, and I have been enjoying it at least weekly since spring break. It's nice to be able to go to the zoo for just an hour and not feel pressured to see all the animals; we can see them next time.

Yesterday the chimpanzees were up and in a performing mood, so the kids and I sat there for half an hour watching them. They were jumping, playing, and having lots of fun. We got to watch them eat and interact with each other. Then the mother started nursing her baby and I immediately related and was a little bit jealous. Wouldn't it be cool, I thought, if all I had to worry about was feeding my kids and having fun? I never had to throw them in the car and rush anywhere, I never had to clean cheerios off the floor or out of hair...

Then one of the chimpanzees backed his rear toward us and pooped. I immediately woke up and back to reality. Pooping in public? No thank you. I think I'll be a human. Of course, I didn't see the mom have to rush over there and clean the poop.....Hmmmmm....Might not be as bad as I thought.

I Will Not Judge You

Before I had kids, I was very concious of my appearance. Not my physical appearance, mind you, I have never been a primper. I was very worried about manners and social graces. I don't worry about it any more.

If your kid screams and throws a fit at the store, I will not judge you. I have been there.

If you arrive at your destination and realize that somehow you and your daughter have ketchup stains on your clothes and your son has spit up, I will not judge you. I've been there recently.

If you have to put your kid on a leash, I will not judge you. I did it again this week.

I can't remember the last time I wore makeup; clean clothes are more important to me now. And clean clothes are less important than happy kids.

Every time I catch myself judging someone, I find myself in the same situation and have to put my foot in my mouth. The other night we were at Best Buy and I was horrified to see a guy sitting on a bench with half of his rear hanging out of his pants. Yesterday I was at the Apple store, trying all my mommy magic to contain my two-year old and keep her from breaking everything in the store. She wasn't upset, she was just very excited and rambunctious. Paul was in the baby sling fussing. It was at that point, when I was bending over to contain Claire that I realized my working out finally has paid off. That's good, but what's not good is that I was the Best Buy guy, and I couldn't do anything about it. I was showing the store my rear, but I decided it was more important to prevent Claire from breaking a new IMac.

So I say to you. If your pants are too big and you accidentally show me your rear, I will not judge you.

I think I have covered pretty much every embarrassing situation with the promise of more to come. So don't ever be embarrassed around me. I've been there.

All my children

Paul likes blackberries!

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Kid Leash Part 2

Since they first came out, I have hated mini-vans. I think they are hideous and look like rats. I'm sorry if you drive one. A mini-van is also a sure sign of a distracted driver, so I like to steer clear of them on the highway. I hate them and mock them every chance I get.

It's the same with kids on a leash. Who is such a bad parent that they can't hold their kid's hand and prevent them from running in the street? Kids are not dogs. It's medieval, barbaric, and shameful.

Claire wore one again yesterday. My fear is that the next step to my loss of self-respect is the purchase of a mini-van.

We rode the TRE to downtown Dallas with Adam's mom and Morgan. I carried Paul in the Baby Bjorn again so I wouldn't have to mess with pushing a stroller and parking it on the train. As soon as we got off the train, Claire started fidgeting and getting cranky. "I don't want to hold your hand!" she yelled at me. She actually requested the leash. I was horrified but complied. It kept her from running in the street, so I'm glad we had it.

Some pre-teen boys passed us and were obviously talking about Claire. I was mortified and confronted them. "Yes," I said. "I know it's awful. She is on a leash. I have to keep her out of the street." Their mom graciously came up to me and said, "Hey, whatever works. You have to keep your kid safe. It's actually pretty cute."

The whole day I pitied myself for getting to the point that I had to leash up my child. I don't think I was very pleasant. (Add more shame to my self-pity when Claire pulled the fire alarm in an elevator. Luckily I cancelled it.)

On the train ride home, I was wallowing in self-pity and exhaustion. (Carrying a 23-lb. child on the front of your chest and a loaded backpack on your back really wears you out.) Then another mother got on the train who obviously deserved my pity more. She had three kids, one of whom was suffering from extreme allergies, with puffy eyes and a runny nose. One kid, who was Claire's age, was wearing pajamas, and her third kid was strapped in her overloaded double-stroller. She looked homeless and exhausted.

I offered her my water, wipes, diapers, hand sanitizer, crackers, cookies, and everything else I had been whining about that was weighing down my backpack. She accepted immediately and her kids started eating everything I had given them. They were obviously hungry. She told me that they had been homeless for a long time, but just a week ago got an apartment. I told her I was proud of her. We commiserated mom-to-mom.

And then I felt better. My backpack and heart was lighter. Who cares if I have to put my kid on a leash at the zoo or downtown Dallas? She's safe. We have a home, food, and friends. That's the important part. And even if I'm forced to drive a mini-van someday, I will try to remember what's important and thank God for my vehicle.

Kid Leash

I am typing this with one eye peeking out from my hands which cover my face in shame. I put Claire on a leash today.

And I now apologize to my friend who gave me the leash (She didn't know I cringed when I received it.) and every mother I've ever laughed at for putting her child on a leash. Please accept my humblest of apologies.

Our niece, Morgan, is staying with us for her spring break. She's eight and a good helper/Claire distracter. We took her to the zoo today, which sounded like a good idea until we realized 10,000 other people had the same idea.

Paul was strapped to my chest in the Baby Bjorn and Claire rode in the wagon/held hands. Morgan rotated between pulling the wagon and riding in it. All was well until Claire started getting tired and fussy. She didn't want to hold hands, she didn't want to ride, she really wanted lunch and a nap, but wasn't getting the nap yet. In desperation, I got out the kid leash.

It's not horrible looking. It's actually quite friendly-looking. It's shaped like a monkey backpack, with the tail as the restraining mechanism for your unruly child.

So I was tired, tired of carrying a giant baby on my chest, tired of the crowd and heat, and tired of fighting with Claire. I hooked her on the leash, swallowing all my pride and yours, too.

I scanned the crowd, searching people's faces for the response I know I give others who use kid leashes. No one seemed to notice or care. Except Claire. She loved it! "This is my monkey leash!" she said proudly. Morgan held her leash and was able to show her several exhibits I couldn't get to with the wagon and Buddha baby on my belly.

So I apologize. The leash saved my child and my sanity today. I didn't have to spank her or fight with her or search the zoo for her. She was happy, and actually cried when we took it off. If you want to put your kid on a leash, I will no longer judge you.

Claire picked out a pink snake for paul

Claire and her new companion

Paul's new hat

Rattlesnake roundup

Updates

Paul started crawling today. Watch out! I have been looking forward to/dreading this day for a while. Now I have two mobile kids to keep up with.

Claire has been developing her social skills with regular playdates. When we started playing with other kids a few months ago, she fought and wouldn't share. She's getting the picture now and even offers turns on different toys. That's not to say that she doesn't yell "Mine!" every once in a while, but she is getting better.

According to the Wii Fit, I am no longer obese, just overweight.

I have been staying home more the past few weeks and loving it. I don't get cabin fever. There's always something to do and never enough time to do it.

Adam and I are watching less and less television. We were Tivoing all our favorite shows, but it is impossible to watch TV at the dinner table with two kids. We try (and often fail) to have conversations instead.

Because I paid dues for a semester, I returned to the mom's club at the local Baptist church. This month, everyone wore pajamas. I literally didn't get the memo. Since I don't attend that church, I miss out on stuff like that. Also, gambling was brought up, and all the ladies at my table told me with a straight face that if they were in Vegas or Shreveport they wouldn't even play slot machines. "We're Baptists. We don't believe in gambling." I told them my Baptist grandma gambles in Shreveport regularly....They said, "Well, she must not really be Baptist." I told them my grandpa is a deacon in the church...That shut them up.

I find that group of ladies exclusive, condescending, and unfriendly. There is one nice lady in the entire group. She is the main reason I go. But I started thinking, and if I joined this group to meet ladies in my neighborhood and make friends, and I'm not doing that....And if I come home from each meeting disappointed and judgmental, maybe I should quit. Adam reminded me that, while many things that happen are often ridiculous to us, I am going on their turf and should be more respectful.

I've also gotten smart about cleaning house. I have a regular date set up on Friday mornings for one of Claire's friends to come over to distract her so I can clean. This morning I vacuumed, swept, and mopped the entire house while they played. It was awesome.

And tomorrow Adam is taking Claire to Sweetwater, OK for something called the Rattlesnake Roundup. Apparently it's a county fair with rattlesnakes. I will be taking Paul to an immigration hearing in Dallas.

I think that gets us all caught up on the news in our house.

Claire's first trip to the dentist